Author: Crystal Varner Parker

pastor • blogger • educator

Mommy Friends

Do you have any mommy friends? Before having my daughter I always thought it was funny to think about needing or wanting mommy specific friends. When I was expecting my daughter I thought I had the mommy friend category covered. My best friend from high school was expecting and had a little girl five weeks before me. Another friend from church was expecting a little girl a few weeks after me. I also had other friends and family that had babies in recent years before me. Little did I know how much I would in fact NEED mommy friends.

Over time I realized that I and the rest of us in mommy land need these friends for navigating life, body, and mental well-being post childbirth. I believe it’s really important to have some of these mommy friends have children the same age as your own child, some that have older children, and some that have younger children. These friends help you realize you’re not alone, because they’re going through almost the exact same thing right now. They let you know you’re not crazy or imagining things, and that what you’re experiencing is normal because they’ve been there. And you get to be that word of encouragement to another mom, and prove to yourself that you’re not as clueless as you think. These mommy friends with kids of varying ages push us all along and encourage us in a myriad of ways.

Over time I have also learned that it’s great to have mommy friends that aren’t exactly like you. What I mean is that you don’t have to have the same parenting styles or viewpoint, because you cannot and will not see eye to eye with everybody. These varying perspectives challenge us to think critically and articulate why it is we believe what we do. These friends with different parenting ideas expand our horizons and help explore new ideas that hadn’t been considered. In the thick of motherhood we need each other.

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Now I know that not everyone has made or found that perfect mommy friend. Communities of faith or a trip to your local park can be a nice place to start.  The Internet can also be wonderful place too. It took me months to find a local Facebook group of moms with kids the same age as my own (give or take 12-18 months). It took even longer to find a local cloth diapering and baby wearing group. Many of these moms are ladies I have never met, rarely see, or are women I wish I had the chance to see more often. Regardless of those factors, they have been a great source of guidance, encouragement, and comraderie on this motherhood journey. I’ve learned that these online groups can lead to great playgroups and friendships offline too!

We’ve all heard, know, or experienced the awkwardness of making these mommy friends. But I’ll make you this challenge, if you can send that friend request to the girl or guy you haven’t talked to since high school or college, I think you can make the attempt at the mommy friend request. What’s the worst they could say….yes, may be, or no? For all you know, may be they’re just to afraid to ask you first.  However you make your mommy friends, I hope that you make them.

Raising a Child of Faith – Public Prayer

Last month I shared about my daughter’s first prayer on her own. Today I’d like to share another Raising a Child of Faith story about a girl I’ll refer to as Elle. Her mom is a dear friend of mine from our time together in seminary, and though distance may separate us, I’m glad she’s on this parenting journey with me. Our daughters were born just 4 days apart, and I love hearing what they’re experiencing at almost the exact same time. Both of our girls are learning about their faith, and today I’ll share a story about Elle, her mom, and her impactful  prayer.

Each year Elle’s daddy has to take a trip out of town for a conference for a few days. Elle’s parents are quite the team, but this trip means that my friend is flying solo in mommy land (shout out to you single parents, you’re rock stars for doing this around the clock). Thankfully a dear church members takes Elle and her mommy out at least once for a special date while daddy is gone. For the 2016 conference, dinner with this member became even more meaningful when the mundane became the sacred at dinner.

For some people praying out loud before a meal in a public restaurant is uncomfortable experience. For Elle and her family, it’s the norm. Maybe it’s because her daddy is a pastor, but public prayer is the norm none the less. On this particular night, the adults followed their usual plan and said the prayer before the meal. For Elle this wasn’t good enough, and responded with “more pray.” Her request isn’t abnormal at home to pray more, but this time it was at a local Cracker Barrel. She felt the need to pray more for their meal.

This might not seem like that big of a deal to some, but Elle is only two years old. It’s only been in recent weeks that she has been the one to say the prayer at meals or bedtime, rather than her parents. On this particular night it was also the first that she said the prayer while dining out in public. She said:
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Elle’s prayer was so simple, yet so sweet and just what needs to be said at a meal. What I love about Elle’s prayer is that her prayer wasn’t just special to her mom, myself, or those that know her. Apparently one of the servers heard her prayer, and slipped her mommy this note:IMG_0570
You never know the difference you’re making in the life of your child and those that you may encounter. If you’re ever called upon to say the mealtime prayer, may I recommend Elle’s prayer? Go forth and be the salt of the earth.

Have a story you’d like to share? I’d love to hear it! Also, if you have a Raising a Child of Faith story you’d like to share on HebrewDawn, please be sure to send me a note (hello at hebrewdawn.com).

“Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs.” Matthew 5:14 (NRSV)

Cloth Diapering HebrewDawn Style

I’ve answered the question before about why we chose to use cloth diapers, but haven’t shared how we have gone about cloth diapering. I’m very thankful that we have a friend who cloth diapered her two kids, and she was a treamendouse help with her tips and tricks on how to get started. In talking about how we’ve cloth diapered, I’ll start out by stating that our goal was to keep things as inexpensive as possible. 
Initially I thought we would opt for AIO (all-in-one) diapers or pocket (diapers that you stuff with an insert) diapers, and would run from the idea of prefolds and covers. AIO diapers give you the ease of putting diapers on and tossing them in a diaper pail almost like a disposable diaper. I figured this would be how my husband would want to diaper. We both started googling and watching YouTube videos to learn as much as we could. We quickly realized that prefolds and covers  are not that bad, and they are SO MUCH CHEAPER.   

Here is how we started out with cloth diapering a newborn:

Total Spent: $221.38

  
 Additional Purchases to continue cloth diapering into toddlerhood:

Over time we found out there were some more things we needed. Also, along the way I’ve learned of things to add to our diaper stash that works best for our childcare situation and lifestyle. 

Total Spent: $419.37

Night Time Diapers – As our daughter got older and slept longer we needed some more absorbent options 

 Total Spent: $90.00

Grand Total Spent: $730.75 

Keep in mind there are some items on this list that we would have bought regardless of cloth diapering (diaper pail). Some items on this list are nice to have (extra wet bags), but not a necessity. We hope to have another baby, and then we will use these cloth diapering supples AGAIN and make our investment extra valuable. 

Have any questions? I definitely plan to share more about how we do things, and I will periscope a few times about cloth too. Be sure to follow me on periscope (hebrewdaw), and know that I’m happy to serve as a resource to anyone who may want to cloth diaper. 

Please note there are some affiliate links in this post. Have no fear, they won’t hurt you if click on them, but I may receive a little financial benefit from your purchase. This means that the funds from your purchase go towards growing this blog and providing better content for you and all the other HebrewDawn readers. As always, I only link to products I trust and use!

Sorry

Faithful readers, I’m sorry to say that my regularly scheduled post is not up today. Time I would have spent making my final edits for publishing were spent on doing our taxes. Oh adulting! I hope to publish today’s post on Thursday, but if not Thursday it will be Friday. In the mean time I share these little delights with you…

Thanks to Design Mom I discovered this children’s book concierge. It’s AMAZING for searching and finding the best children’s books in recent years. 

If you’re like me and looking for smart ways to blog or organize your content, it’s definitely worth checking out this post on A Cotton Kandi Life. Definitely gives me ideas for planning and organization for work and the blog!

You may have read my letter on Monday to working moms, and I enjoyed The Mommy My Way’s post confessing her working mom thoughts. We as moms question and doubt ourselves a lot, but I hope we’ll surrender the guilt and rest assured that we are doing a good job. 

 Please note I have been a part of the Blog & Business: Moms Who Do It All February blog hop.  

Dear Working Mama

Dear Working Mama,

You are balancing a lot, and the pressure to get it all done can feel insurmountable. It may seem that all the other mamas out there are getting  it all done and still managing to look put together. I can’t speak for everyone else, but looks can be deceiving. I’ve said it before, but the to do list is never quite done and something has to give. Over time I have learned that there are two important things that help me get through it all and maintain my sanity.

The first thing I need more than anything is waking up before my family. As much as I’d love to sleep in or stay in bed reading, it’s not what helps me get my day going smoothly. Ideally I should wake up 30 to 60 minutes before my family, and most days it’s unfortunately closer to 30. Having that time to myself to get ready without my daughter pulling on me or “helping” me get ready is almost magical. It’s a great feeling to be ready for the day before my husband or daughter begin to stir. Any curves that may come my way are now much easier to dodge.


Next and most important thing I need is grace. Grace that I give myself and above all the grace of God. Each and every day I can be so hard on myself, but I remind myself that I’m loved and forgiven. This reminder is easier to find when I take time to read scripture and pray to start my day. It’s really easy to not make time for God, but when I do my day goes SO MUCH SMOOTHER. Lately, I even spend this quiet time win God before doing my make-up. I know that sounds crazy, but that time has become crucial for me.
What makes your day go by smoother may be different, but these two things have been game changers for me. You might not be able to do it all, but take time to figure out what will sustain you through what you can get done. I hope that no matter what you do give yourself grace.

Love,

A mama paddling along next to you

 

This post is part of a blog hop from Blogs & Business. Check out some of the other awesome blogs participating:

The Art of Better | Being Mrs. Beer | Women Winning Online | Mommy My Way | xo -Ava | Kori at Home | Ma Bell Vie | Stellar Mama The Jessie K | Make & Do Crew | This Kenyan Traveler | Blue Eyed Babies | HebrewDawn | Leah With Love | Fighting for Fitness | Tot Tot Goose | Nurture Her Nature | Blogihealth | A Cotton Kandi Life | The Bipolar Mama | Simple Acres | Dawn P Darnell | A Kreative Whim | Scarlett Ballantyne | My Unfiltered Chaos | The Big Red Patch House | The Mother Blog | Diary of a New Mommy

Friday!!!

How was your week? It’s hard to believe we’ve already hit the second month of 2016. This year is flying by so quickly, which means the months, weeks, and days are too! How are you making the most of each day?

This fall I started listening to podcasts A LOT. It’s been a great way to fill commute time and something to listen to other than music. The first podcast to really get me hooked was The Lively Show. I have since binge listened to EVERY SINGLE EPISODE catching up on all that I missed. In the midst of my Lively Show binge fest, I started hearing all this hype about Serial with the new season coming, and got hooked on Season 1, I am now current on both of those podcast, and the wait for new episodes always feels like an ETERNITY. If you haven’t checked out either one, I highly recommend it.

Since finishing season one of Serial, I’ve joined the hosts of others wondering what would happen regarding Adnan Syed and his case. From what I can deduce, signs point to the wrong person being charged and convicted in the death of Hae Min Lee. Her family deserves for the murderer to be behind bars, but is Adnan really innocent or guilty? Well, with all the publicity from Serial, there is now a hearing going on (today is day three) to see if he will get a new trial. For the last two days, I’ve been keeping up with the Serial updates from Sarah Koenig and following Jessie DeSilva on Twitter. I’m so curious to know what will happen. What are your thoughts?

Oh my gosh, Ash Wednesday is coming up next week. If you’re looking for a great activity for your family or congregation, check out these Lenten coloring posters from Illustrated Children’s Ministry. I need to get my order…

 There’s lots of rambling I could do right now, but I’ll spare you from that. I hope you have a great weekend!!!

My Independent Daughter 

Lately my daughter has been REALLY into helping us do things around the house. Her current favorites are dishes and cooking. There seems to be no limit to what she wants to help us do. In the moment it may not feel like VHP is being all that helpful, but I remind myself she is learning how to do things on her own. She’s becoming independent.

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you may have seen the above picture of VHP helping put away dishes. At first glance you see spoons, forks, and knives not where they belong. What I learned a few nights ago at dinner, is that my little girl was learning exactly where everything belonged. She got down from her chair at dinner and told us, “be right back okay.” She then went to the drawer above, opened it and started reaching for what she needed. She couldn’t quite see what she wanted, so she turned to get a chair. She frequently uses a chair to stand on and watch us cook or put away dishes. Once she got the chair next to my husband, she climbed up and got herself a spoon. I guess a fork wasn’t what she wanted to eat with that evening.

In the moment I thought to myself, God help me, this girl will be so independent. I quickly realized I needed to change my thoughts on this. It’s not God help me, but God bless me, this girl will be so independent. Yes, she is going to test my patience in waiting for her to do things herself, but she will be able to do things herself. Like my husband and I always say, we’re not raising a child, but raising a person. This independent little girl will one day be an independent woman, and there’s no other way I’d rather her be.

Dear Breastfeeding Mama

  
Dear Mama Breastfeeding with a Newborn,

Please do not forget to take care of yourself! You have worked hard for months to grow this sweet baby in your womb AND to bring this fresh baby into the world. You deserve to take time to care for yourself too. I mentioned in my baby registery post last week a couple items needed for taking care of the breastfeeding mama, but I didn’t get into all of them. It takes the sisterhood of motherhood to learn how to care for ourselves and our little ones. I’m thankful for the other moms who shared these tips with me, and I hope you find these tips helpful too.

  1. If you have not started using nipple cream after each nursing or pumping session, start using it EVERY SINGLE TIME. Don’t wait until your nipples hurt. After a few days your nipples will hurt and you may question why you’re feeding this demanding child all the time. Don’t let this pain scare you, because this discomfort will pass SOON.
  2. Go make or have someone make you  a couple cups of tea and enjoy them.Place the tea bags on a plate and put them in the fridge for an hour or so ( until they’re nice and cold). Place the tea bags on your nipples and allow them to sooth your discomfort. The tannins in the tea help to alleviate the discomfort you may feel in the early days of breastfeeding.
  3. It’s okay to live in nursing tanks! Throughout my maternity leave (and after returning to work), I paired these with a cardigan for home. If I left the house I’d another shirt and I was set for nursing on the go. I could pull the shirt up, pop open the nursing tank and have the cardigan to provide privacy on the sides. Over time it got easier to nurse discretely without even using a nursing cover.
  4. Know that nursing sleep bras are worth the money! They keep the nursing pads in place you from leaking breast milk all over you and your bed. They’re easier to use when you wake up are woken up by a hungry baby to nurse.
  5. Keep nursing every few hours to keep your milk supply up, but know that it gets easier. Eventually my daughter had enough head and neck control that I could nurse on my side. Which meant, I laid in bed while half asleep and my little girl did all the work. #winning
  6. The laundry, dishes, and cleaning can wait. Anybody can wash and clean up, but you need to heal and bond with your baby.
  7. Know that you are not crazy to have your emotions swing from high to low and all over the place. It takes time after having a baby for your hormones to get in balance. So go laugh, cry, and feel all the feels.
  8. Say yes to offers for help. because they want to help you. You can try and do it all, but you don’t have to do it all.
  9. Ask for help. If people are not offering you the help you need, ask for it. Sometimes people just do not know what to do, but are happy to do it if you ask.
  10. People will want to come see you and your new baby, but you don’t have to say yes. Saying not right now is an acceptable answer.

Don’t forget about you in the midst of all the diapers, feeding, and bathing. Your self care is critical to healing, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Newborns are sweet and cuddly, but they are also a lot of work. You will be overcome with love for this tiny person in your arms and wonder if you’re doing it right. Know that you ARE doing a great job mama! Reach out to your fellow mom friends for support. If you do not have mom friends yet, know that this mama right here is here to support you too. Feel free to send me a note here you need it.

Love,

a mom who’s been there before too

a favorite nursing photo of VHP

This post has also been featured on the linkup hosted by a hopeful HOOD and Through for by  

TGIF!

   
How was your week? Were you snowed in with your family like much of the East Coast? If you were surrounded by sunshine and grass, I am envious! After the snow day that turned into house arrest being snowed in for four days, I was so happy to see my grass on Wednesday! Thank goodness for great movies, food, and wine to help those snow days less burdensome.

Speaking of wine, have you heard about these champagne gummy bears? I have been seeing many posts about them, but haven’t got my hands on been able to devour them yet. Please tell my bubbly loving heart they are as a divine as they sound!

Lately I have been working harder to get our home office more presentable, and I saw this beauty on Glitter Guide’s Instagram feed this week. I now know two things needed for the office, a cozy rug and that button. Any home office decorating tips?

In November I devoured the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, and joined the KonMari fan club. I could totally relate to Marie Kondo’s lifelong obsession with organizing and finding the perfect place for everything. I have driven my parents and brother batty from organizing their things, and now do it to my husband. I’m still working on KonMari-ing my home, but I’m LOVING her folding techniques! Have you tried her method at all?

 Last weekend our daughter learned the fine art of sleeping in, and suddenly it ended on Tuesday. It was a good thing since we had to go to work, but I’m hoping she re-learns it for this weekend. Are you a sleep lover like me? I think many of us are good at sleeping in, but struggling with falling asleep. Here’s a great technique to help you out!

Hope you have a happy Friday, and a beautiful weekend!

Even More Baby Registry Must Haves

Welcome back! Today I’m covering even more of our baby registry favorites! You can read part one of my baby registry must haves here where I share our nursery and on the go favorites. Then read part two where I share our baby essentials, such as clothes, bathing, and feeding. Today I’m sharing the items that are nice to have items and the items, but are not absolute necessities. I’m also sharing the items that we have learned about from friends and family that we had no idea we needed. Happy shopping registering!

So babies really aren’t that complicated, and don’t need much besides breast milk or formula, diapers, and clothes. Everything else we like to get makes life a little easier being that it’s baby sized (such as towels and blankets). Then there are the items that can be really nice to have, but at the end of the day really are kind of unnecessary, but they’re still definitely nice to have.

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mamaRoo
  • Swing – these are great to have to give your little one a place to relax so you can free up your arms. I would highly encourage choosing one that has a power cord. A swing gets used so much that it’s great to have it plug into an outlet so you do not have to buy batteries all the time. We borrowed a swing from my sister-in-law, but this one looks like a great option if we had to pick our own. I love that this is a swing, and a bouncer so you’re not having to have multiple items in your house. We also borrowed a 4Moms mamaRoo, which was great for its small footprint. Our daughter preferred the standard swing, but 4Moms did come out with the rockaRoo which is more like a traditional baby swing like swing. I’m definitely inclined to try it out if/when we have another since we already have a bouncer.
  • Bouncey Seat – we are happy with this one and like that it’s not just for infants, it grows with your child to be used as a toddler chair. Bouncey seats are nice to have stashed somewhere else in the house especially if you have more than one level.
  • Seat Protector – be careful with getting one of these as many will void the warranty of your car seat. Some companies make one that you can use and that they recommend. Since we use a Britax seat, we’re good with this one that we have.
  • Car Seat Mirror – we have one of these in my car and my husband’s car too. We love that we can if she’s in fact okay since she is still rear facing at 2+, or if she’s just yanking our chain. We also love that it has a light on it for at night to see the little one. I will caution that folks should be careful and only look when stopped.
  • Toys are great to add to the registry too, because you will want some things to entertain your wee one. Here are some of our favorites:
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    Crawl-Along Snail
    • These Little Rings are perfect for itty bitty babies and for many months afterwards. So many of the toys we had for our daughter as a newborn were way too heavy, but these were just right for her little hands and muscles. This was a favorite toy well past the first year.
    • This Snail Mirror has been a big hit with my niece and daughterand Hana. It’s great for when they discover mirrors and want to look at themselves. Plus it’s very responsive to the hits and motions of the baby playing with it. This was a favorite toy the entire first year.
    • This Activity Table is wonderful! It’s great for when they learn to pull up to standing, but also great before then too. When our daughter was itsy bitsy we removed a couple legs and propped with the other leg. Our little girl loved staring at the lights and listening to the music during tummy time. She did tummy time twice as long when we use this. It continued as a favorite when learning to sit up with the legs off and laid on the floor. This is still a favorite at two years old!
    • O’balls are another big favorite in our house. We had a couple including the football for our daughter (they’re not just for boys :D). They’re super light and the holes make it easy for itsy bitsies to hold. Highly recommend these. They even make rattles too!
    • These Blocks – were a hit in our house! When our daughter was little, they were  soft enough for her to chew on. As she got older they didn’t hurt when she stacked them and then toppled over. Favorite well into the second year when she graduated to big kid blocks.

Along the way trials and testing of our parenting sanity have come up, but thankfully other friends and family have shared their great discoveries. These items are still on the nice to have list, but I’d dare say, they’re worth adding to your must have list.

  • Sleepy Baby Nail Clippers – some parents are great at cutting itsy bitsy baby nails, but I”m just not one of those parents. My poor daughter had a bleeding finger on mu
  • NasalClear® Battery Operated Nasal Aspirator – the aspirator you get at the hospital works great and is worth getting multiples while you’re there. A time then comes that your baby gets all squirmy and angry about cleaning their nose. Now enters this battery operated one that works like a champ. Makes the whole process so much faster.
  • Teething Necklace – was an on the go and baby wearing game changer. This would provide “entertainment” on the go, and was still fashionable. Had this aqua and almost bought it in several colors.
  • Amber Necklace – when baby starts drooling ALL THE TIME and getting fussy over teeth, the need for this became apparent. I’m not convinced this worked, but I’m definitely not convinced it doesn’t work. There are days this has fallen off, and baby girl definitely seemed crankier. At just over two and still getting teeth, the necklace still stays on around the clock.

I hope you found this list helpful. It takes a village to figure out this whole parenting thing, especially since no instruction book comes with the arrival of the little bundles. And just remember, it’s not a one size fits all. What worked for us, may not for you. What works for another family, may not work for you. Or it may be some combo of it all. Just know that other mamas already love and support you, and that we’re here to help. Next Monday, I’ll share some of my important items and ways to care for the postpartum and breastfeeding mama.