Bittersweet

2024 is bringing some exciting news, but it is admittedly bittersweet news.
Before I dig into the news, let’s talk about Merriam-Webster’s definition of bittersweet:

bit·ter·sweet ˈbi-tər-ˌswēt (adjective)
: being at once bitter and sweet
especially: pleasant but including or marked by elements of suffering or regret
Merriam-Webster

Here’s the news…

On Sunday, January 14th the congregation of Providence Forge Presbyterian Church held a congregational meeting to call me as their next pastor. This is the video that was shared with them to get to know me better.
On Wednesday, January 17th the session of Salisbury Presbyterian Church and then the congregation received this letter:

Beloved Siblings in Christ at SPC,

It is with a sad but certain heart that I write this letter of resignation as your Associate Pastor for Christian Education and Discipleship at Salisbury Presbyterian Church, effective February 14, 2024. On Sunday, January 14th, the congregation of Providence Forge Presbyterian Church (near New Kent, Virginia) voted to call me as their next Pastor. The decision to transition to a new call has not been an easy one, but I believe it is guided by God’s divine plan for us all. As I embark on this new chapter, I carry the lessons learned, the bonds formed, and the spiritual richness gained from our time together.

It has truly been an honor and privilege to be one of your pastors over these past 2.5 years. You will forever have a special place in my heart as my first call, where we have been with one another through some of life’s greatest joys and deepest struggles. Together we have laughed and cried, worshiped and prayed, loved and served. Together we have celebrated births and grieved deaths, and walked together through life’s joys and trials. There is no way one letter can fully encapsulate the depths of my gratitude and my love for you.

Nor can this letter detail the depths of my love for the team here on staff, the session (past and present), and deacons (past and present). I am in awe of the people I have had the privilege of serving alongside, learning from, and growing because of their guidance. It has been a dream to work with this team, and I will miss each person fiercely. A special bit of thanks to Jim and to Nate, in whose great and capable hands I leave you. I’m so grateful for their patience, love, and servant hearts. They love you deeply, have loved me greatly, and I will miss serving alongside them here in this place.

It is my prayer that you will continue to be a place that welcomes all and delights in new ways to impact the church and the world. You have a gift for love and when it’s guided by God it will do remarkable things to transform the world. I pray that joy and nothing less finds you along the way. As surely as I believe that God is guiding me in this decision, I also believe that God will guide you in finding a new rhythm with Jim and Nate.

I am excited to discover what God has in store for me, but my heart breaks to leave those I love so dear. Boundaries in transitions are hard, but they are what allows for a smooth transition. In accordance with presbytery policy, I will observe a period of one year of no communication which includes social media. During this time, I encourage the congregation to embrace and engage with Jim and Nate in ways that you may not have already. I believe that this intentional time of disconnection from me will foster stronger relationships and enable a seamless transition. After this one-year period, I will not initiate communication. Please know that silence and lack of response during this time of disconnection is not out of animosity or lack of love, but out of an abundance of love for you to allow for a healthy transition for you with Jim and Nate, and for me with PFPC. I trust that the bonds we have formed will endure, and I am confident that our paths will cross again in the future.

In the coming weeks, I am committed to ensuring a smooth transition. I am open to discussing any details regarding the transition process and will do my best to assist in any way possible. My last day of service at SPC will be February 11, 2024 and I am more than willing to collaborate with you to ensure a seamless handover of responsibilities.

From now until February 11th, I will continue to pastor this church, engaging fully in the good and important ministry we have yet to do together and the hard but grace filled process of saying goodbye. I ask for your prayers and understanding as we all make this transition. Once again, thank you for the warmth and acceptance my family and I have experienced at SPC. I pray for continued blessings upon the church and its work both here and beyond.

Grace + Peace + Love,
Letter by Rev. Crystal Varner Parker to the Session, Deacons, Staff, and Congregation of Salisbury Presbyterian Church

The complicated feelings on pastoral transitions

The best word to describe how I am feeling is bittersweet. While I am unbelievably excited to be called to Providence Forge Presbyterian Church as their next pastor, I am deeply sad to leave all the people I love at Salisbury Presbyterian Church. Pastoral transitions are filled with so many mixed emotions for the pastor and their congregation. Excitement over what’s to come, and sadness of relationships ending. When a pastor is married and has children, this adds another level of feelings and complication to the mix. Not only do I have relationships and bonds with the church I serve, so do my husband and daughters. Discerning whether or not to accept a new call was a family affair, and it was not made easily. I’m deeply grateful for the grace, love, and excitement shared from the members of Salisbury, but share in their grief in the change in our relationship. My family and I will miss them so much.

I would be remiss if I did not talk about Providence Forge Presbyterian Church, their PNC (pastor nominating committee), and Rev. Dr. Cindy Kissel-Ito (their covenant pastor). They have been a beacon of so much love and excitement. I am excited that God has called us together and excited for all that is to come.

I’m a p…..?!

The question we all get asked…

What do you do?

For some of us it’s super easy to answer.

For some of us we pause knowing the reaction to your job can go a few different ways.

Then there’s me, who’s still not sure how to answer. You could also call it disbelief.

I’m a p……

Huh? I’m this thing that I thought I was never going to be. I’m this thing I tried to withdraw from the process of doing. I’m doing this job I’ve not (yet) been ordained to do.

I’m an associate pastor elect (the official term) for Christian Education and Discipleship. If all goes according to plan, I’ll be ordained one week into the new year. I am still in disbelief.

I’m the one who’s tried on many occasions to run from my calling. I’ve believed there are plenty of reasons why God shouldn’t want me as a pastor, yet Gods work in my life doesn’t depend upon just me. There are so many people who have been instrumental in my call to ministry and continue to nurture and guide me. There are also the newer people in my life who sustain me and keep me going in my new role. And each day, I wake up incredibly grateful for where God has called me to serve today.

What we do can feel like such a loaded question.

As a woman in ministry, this feels especially so.
Some do not have positive associations with the church or those in ministry.
Will I be on the receiving end of someone’s animosity against the church?
Will someone have issue with the fact that I am a woman in ministry?

While I could walk around worrying, I’ll hold onto the words of affirmation, gratitude, that affirm I am where I a should be. I will also hold with care the words of the women in my congregation who are grateful for a woman’s voice among the clergy in leadership. I work with two other great pastors, who are gifted in what they do, affirm and encourage me in what I do, and I’m so thankful to call them my colleagues.

Yes, I’m proud to say I’m a pastor, and cannot wait until I’m officially ordained as a minister in Presbyterian Church (USA).

As Presbyterians, we like to do things decently and in order.

To become a pastor there are things you must do. Here are some of those things I’ve had to do:

Become an inquire with your home church after 6 months of membership
(☑️ November 2007 at Three Chopt Presbyterian Church)
Be accepted by the CPM as an inquirer
(☑️ November 2007)
Complete a parish internship
(☑️ August 2008 at Three Chopt Presbyterian Church)
Complete a non-parish internship
(☑️ May 2009 at Virginia Commonwealth University)
You must graduate from seminary
(☑️ May 2009 from Union Presbyterian Seminary)
Be accepted by the CPM as a candidate and the presbytery
(☑️ October 2009)
Pass 5 ordination exams on Bible Content, Exegesis, Polity, Theology, and Worship & Sacraments
(☑️ completed in 2009)
Complete a unit of CPE
(☑️ May 2010)
Be certified ready to receive a call by your presbytery’s CPM
(☑️ October 2020)
Find a call, aka a job in ministry
(☑️ August 2021)
Be examined and approved by the presbytery where you will be ordained

In October, I preached before 1/3 of the presbytery, two months after my examination by the COM (committee on ministry) examinations committee. The final step in the ordination process is finally complete.

Could these steps have been completed faster? Absolutely.
Would I be the same person in ministry if I had rushed through them? Absolutely not.

Now I have a service of ordination and installation to finalize and a commission to to have approved by the Presbytery of the James (hopefully today). Theses services are slated for just after Epiphany, as I wanted to ensure that some important people in my journey to ordination could be there. In case you’re not aware, a service in the weeks leading up to or during advent is not an ideal time for those in ministry for an ordination service.

I am beyond excited and grateful for all that has happened and all that comes next.

P.S. If you are someone who has journeyed alongside me in this process… thank you! I seriously, could not do this without you.

Surprises in the Pulpit

I have long wrestled with whether or not to write about this, but I believe silence allows this to continue. For my BIPOC friends, I warn you now that this may be triggering. For that I am sorry, but I am not sorry for being a voice to the struggles we face.

Anyone in ministry knows that there are many unexpected things about working in the church. For those who identify as female, it is a known fact that inappropriate things are said about our bodies in places that are considered sacred. When we thought that the education and experience that we bring is more than sufficient to give us credibility, in an instant someone attempts to reduce us to our appearances.

There are many surprises in the pulpit, or in the areas surrounding them.

One Sunday morning in the autumn of 2020, I was doing pulpit supply for a rural congregation in my presbytery. This was not an unusual thing for me to do, as I have regularly done this since early 2019. I was ever grateful for the opportunity to share the good news, particularly with a congregation in need of someone to preach and lead worship on a given Sunday. What I was not prepared for was what would happen as I prepared to lead a congregation in worship…

The elder who was coordinating pulpit supply confirmed in our call in the week leading up that the church would wear masks if that’s what I wanted. That should have been a red flag already. In the height of the pandemic (November 2020), shouldn’t masks be a given? Upon entering the church I saw that no one had on a mask. I had my mask on and kept some extra distance until others put on theirs.

* Let me pause and make a note.*

At this point in the pandemic, my family was still being very careful. We had high risk family members in our bubble. We had both kids learning virtually to protect our family. We were accepting risk with my doing pulpit supply. Churches doing what they could to be safe were key to helping us protect the vulnerable members of our family.

Let me continue…

The elder with whom I’d been in communication greeted me, discussed logistics, and then reminded folks of the need to wear their masks. In the moments that soon followed, there were a couple of members who began our time together by glaring at me for the majority of the worship service for being told by a church members to put on a mask. This was not the only congregation that resisted masks during the pandemic in my adventures pulpit supply, but theis level of glaring was new.

Even though this was awkward, this wasn’t the most challenging part of the morning…

The elder who was handling worship coordination decided that they would handle announcements, and then hand the service over to me to lead. During the announcements the gentleman shared gratitude for all who came out to decorate the church for Advent (season leading up to Christma)s, and praised some of the young people for helping out too. Then he said he had a great conversation with two of the young people there, and asked them to come forward to share about it.

Man: Do you remember what I asked you yesterday?
One of the girls: Yes, sir.
Man: What’s the difference between a daisy and a dixie? What did you say?

(In this moment, my brain is racing to answer the question. I couldn’t fathom what he was talking about. So I patiently waited for the answer out of curiosity.)

Girl: A Daisy is a flower. A Dixie is a flag.
(The realization hits that I couldn’t answer this question, because it served like a litmus test. If you know the answer, you know. If you do not, you’re not one of them.)
Man: Thank you ladies, you can go sit down.

At this point, the panic was crashing like a wave.

I realize that I do not belong in this place. I am now realizing that this particular church is no longer a safe place. I am looking around in panic for a way to escape…

I was sitting on the chancel (the area where the pulpit is located) and not sure if I could get out of the church. I could go out to my left through the back of the sanctuary and everyone will see me. I could go straight out the back of the sanctuary past everyone, and so they’ll definitely see me and say something. No matter what I do, all eyes will be on me as a I leave. Then I begin to wonder if I really should leave…

Did that man intend for the question to be racist? Do they think the confederate flag is a troubling symbol of racism to those who do not identify as Black or African American? Would it be wrong to leave a church without preacher?

So I made a decision…

In the time that it took for the announcements to finish I tried to quiet the panic in my mind. I prayed that God would grant me peace, fill me with love, and that God’s transformational love would pour forth from me. I am not going to lie and say that all was better in a matter of moments. I will not say that I was not terrified and concerned about my well-being. I will admit that this service was one of the hardest services I have ever had to lead. I will also admit that the feelings of trauma from that day are with me still.

Our words matter.

Two Novembers in a row, I had situations where there were racist interactions that trouble me to this day. I believe what made my experience in November 2019 and 2020 so challenging is that they were subtly and overtly discriminatory, and they were the first experiences I have had like that in a long time. Any BIPOC person can share with you their stories of racism and how they’ve experienced it throughout their life. The sharing of these stories are not easily done as each retelling brings back a tidal wave of feelings, heartbreak, and trauma from moments thought to be long in the past…

The moment(s) we were made to feel like the other.
The moment(s) we were made to feel like someone who doesn’t belong in a place they thought was safe.
The moment(s) we were made to feel like our feelings didn’t matter.

How we speak to and about one another matters. I do not share this experience to disparage the church as a whole. I love the church, despite the failings of its people. The church is where I’ve been called to serve. The church is filled with people who remind me of God’s goodness. Life in community comes with a risk, but it also comes with abundant blessing. I hope and pray to help the church continue to be the place it’s meant to be…

a place of radical hope and love.

all the words that could be said

I could tell you today that my heart is broken, but I think it goes without saying. I could also prattle on about how we need to put an end to the gun violence, but those words have been said abundantly. In light of yet ANOTHER mass shooting, all the words that could be said are spinning through my head.

Rather than tell you how I feel or reflect on how we all might be feel, can I ask you to do one thing?

Will you pray for and love a community that is struggling?

We have far too many family members and friends grieving the loss of those they love in senseless act of hate. We also have many brothers and sisters within the LGBTQ community in Orlando and across the nation that are hurting and scared.

Let’s work together to make loving kindness the norm. I think that’s something we can all get behind.

He is Risen

Share the good news that he is risen indeed. Have a blessed and beautiful Easter!

“But the angel said to the women, ‘Do not be afraid; I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for he has been raised, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples, “He has been raised from the dead, and indeed he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him.” This is my message for you.’ So they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples.” -Matthew 28:5-8 (NRSV)

It Is Finished

In observance of Good Friday, there will not be a regular post today like usual on HebrewDawn. May you be blessed this Easter weekend!

“When Jesus had received the wine, he said, ‘It is finished.’ Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” – John 19:30 (NRSV)

Get Ready: Easter is Coming

In two short days it will be Holy Week. This means that as Christians, these are the final days of lent which lead us to Easter. Far too often we make a mad dash for Easter Sunday, but this year I’d like to encourage you to slow down. Why you may ask? Easter can’t happen without the days leading up, and we need those days to prepare our hearts and minds too.

Holy Week begins with Palm Sunday, as we remember Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem. For those of us that go to church this Sunday morning, will wave palm branches, and sing Hosanna. We’ll be caught up in the joy of the day and not think much about the journey that Jesus is about to begin. Those closest to Jesus, the disciples, are clueless about what is going to happen to their beloved friend and teacher, despite his many warnings and we’re not all that different. Despite all of our flaws and failings, Jesus knowingly and willingly continues down this road that will lead to his death. With all the hosannas and waves of our palm branches, we tend not to think about the meaning of this day or the week ahead.

As we read through the Gospels on Holy Monday and Tuesday we’re being prepared for what’s to come. Jesus will be anointed at Bethany, foreshadowing what will happen to him in death. Jesus will again warn his discipes, and us as the readers, of what is coming. On of his friends will betray him and set the final course of events into action. As if all of this wasn’t enough, another friend will come to deny he ever knew him, his friend and swore he’d never deny and would defend. Thursday will come, and church attendance will go down drastically, before it’s great spike on Easter Sunday.

Thursday is Maundy, or Commandment, Thursday. We often skip up and call this day Monday Thirsday or some funny derivation, because we’re clueless to what this word preceding Thirsday is. It’s word coming from Middle English, Old French (mandé), and Latin (mandatum) which essentially means commandment. It was this day that Jesus washed the disciples feet, gave the commandment to love one another, and to remember him in gathering together by sharing the Lord’s Supper. Throughout the year we celebrate this meal, and forget about its humble beginnings. A shared meal with friends made sacred with the sharing of bread and wine on the eve of the worst day in Jesus’ human life.

We now come to Friday, that we call Good Friday. It is on this day we remember with solemn hearts the sacrifice that Jesus, makes for us out of God’s great love for each of us. On this day we take time to be humbled, sometimes to the point if tears, of the great sacrifice Jesus makes for us. We slow down and realize that the story of Christianity isn’t just about a cute baby in a stable or just about resurrection. It is on this day that we remember that the story is about life, AND death, AND new life.

Let us prepare our hearts and minds for the joy of the Easter Sunday, even when it may be a solemn journey along the way.

Quiet Time

I shared the other week that I find it most helpful to wake up earlier than my family and making sure to begin my day with quiet time. That post has led to some folks asking what resources I like to use and how I do my quiet time. So I thought I’d share today!

I’ll begin with opening Shauna Niequist devotional Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are to see what the selected passage of the day is:

Next I’ll read the entire chapter for the selected passage of scripture in my bible. As I go along, I highlight any passages that my “jump” out to me. I try not to analyze or evaluate the passage that sticks out to me, but follow where the spirit leads.

Now I return back to my devotional book to read what thoughts the writer (Shauna in this case) has to say about the piece of scripture I just read. Then I take some time to reflect on the verses of scripture I highlighted in my Bible and what the devotional had to say. Some mornings this can look like me sitting in quiet meditation and prayer. Other mornings, like my ideal morning, I’ll take the time to write out the verses I highlighted and my prayer for the day.

No matter what happens with my time constraints for a given morning, my focus is first on reading the bible, then considering thoughts of a devotional writer. I find that devotionals are a great start for quiet time for me to know what to read, and provide variety so I’m not reading straight through the bible. I will admit that I’m fairly particular about the devotionals I use because some writers like to cherry pick scripture, aka pick scripture that fits what they’re trying to say, but the verse may not mean what they think. I do recognize that many devotionals are written by folks with no theological training, so their writing comes from the heart, not necessarily from a scholarly perspective. But the Bible scholar in me dies a little inside when I see this happen and I turn away from what could have been a great resource.
I will admit it’s hard for me to find a daily devotional written by a biblical scholar of the Old and New testament that provides the reflective imagery I personally desire. I will accept what I can get and have have found three favorite devotionals to this day:

Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are by Shauna Niequist
Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

How do you spend your quiet time?

Please note there are some affiliate links in this post. As always, I only link to products I trust and use!

The Joyful Feast

Worship with a two year old may not always be as calm or introspective as it was before having a child, but it has definitely become more meaningful. I’ve shared before that we try each week to keep VHP in service with us and she is beginning to really understand the different parts of the service. She has come to love passing the peace, loves to sing, and really looks forward to communion (Eucharist). Watching my little girl’s faith blossom and grow is one of my greatest joys.

A few weeks ago I had a moment that nearly made this mama cry watching her little girl in worship. As is often the case, we didn’t make it through the entire sermon before we needed to step out of the sanctuary into the hallways to get some wiggles out. Thankfully we can still hear what’s happening through the speaker and soon it was time for communion. VHP was anxious to head back in as soon as the pastor began to say the words of institution, break the bread, and pour wine (juice in this case) into the cup. When the feast was set we made the attempt to quietly head back to our seats and wait our turn, but VHP was too excited to be quiet. She squealed and tried to run forward, and I managed to catch her before she took off for the front of the sanctuary. Miraculously this did not result in a toddler fit of screaming!

source: https://stocksnap.io/photo/P7JB9GA027

We waited our turns and held hands as we walked forward. The church member who was serving the bread leaned down so VHP could help me break off a piece of bread for her. This little girl tore off the biggest piece of bread she’s ever had for communion! Then our pastor leaned down to her level with the cup so she could dip the bread herself. VHP then slurped up her bread and juice as if it was the best meal of her life, and had the biggest smile on her face. Mommy may have helped break the bread, but she essentially had communion all on her own. Watching how our church family helped her partake of this meal put a whole new meaning on the phrase “the joyful feast of the Lord.”