Tag: friendship

Thank you for some friends

I must confess that I am a person who is incredibly skeptical when someone says, “you have to meet so-and-so. You two would make great friends.” I try to stay engaged, but I am internally shutting down, wanting to get up, leave and never continue the conversation. Thankfully, my daughters have never done this to me (yet), but they have brought a few stellar people into my life. Today’s post is dedicated to my daughters, to whom I now say, “thank you for some friends.”

Perhaps you wonder why I would resist someone wanting to help me make friends?

I think it’s mainly the introvert in me that immediately goes on alert. I have learned over the years what will fill my cup and those things that will drain me like a sieve. My introvert alert knows that meeting new people leads to the much-required making of small talk. While I know that I CAN do small talk, as I have had to do this professionally for the last 15 years, I also know that by making small talk my internal battery is slowly dying draining. A few times, I have pushed through this internal struggle, and I have been pleasantly surprised by the result.

What happened?

The first time was when my daughter wanted to have a playdate with her friend from preschool. We met up at a park, we moms watched our little girls play, and had great conversations throughout our time together. Soon after we became friends on social media, and have stayed friends since. 

The second time, I was waiting for my turn at parent-teacher conferences. I began chit-chatting with another mom in my daughter’s class, and slowly realized that I thought she was pretty awesome. Over the next several weeks, we kept bumping into each other at school events and around the neighborhood. Soon we became friends on social media (noticing a trend?), and now we text and message regularly.

Did this happen again?

Yep, in my daughter’s Girl Scout Troop a few years ago. Girl Scout cookie season was approaching, and my daughter was DESPERATE to be a Girl Scout and sell those addicting beloved cookies. I reluctantly volunteered to be an assistant leader in the troop so kindergarten Daisies could be added. Little did I know, a pandemic would hit within two months, our troop would shift to virtual for several months, and I would later have to take over as the troop leader. Perhaps I was right to be reluctant to volunteer?

I did learn rather quickly, that this arrangement would allow some girls to join the troop, and that my daughter (and later my youngest too) to get to know some great kids. The addition of these new girls brought their mothers to the troop, and now they’re irreplaceable parts of my village. We help one another when life gets tough, we look out for each other’s children, and they now help me lead the Girl Scout troop.

Have I changed my mind?

I’m not so sure about that. I am still an introvert who needs to protect my energy, choose wisely which things I agree to do, and prioritize some time alone each week. I am still skeptical of the phrase “you have to meet so-and-so, you two would make great friends.” I love the people in my life, and I’m flattered they think enough to introduce me to others in their life, and I want to invest my time in these treasured friendships. So, I won’t say no to meeting someone new, but I may continue being careful to protect my time for the ones already near and dear to my heart. 

Mommy Friends

Do you have any mommy friends? Before having my daughter I always thought it was funny to think about needing or wanting mommy specific friends. When I was expecting my daughter I thought I had the mommy friend category covered. My best friend from high school was expecting and had a little girl five weeks before me. Another friend from church was expecting a little girl a few weeks after me. I also had other friends and family that had babies in recent years before me. Little did I know how much I would in fact NEED mommy friends.

Over time I realized that I and the rest of us in mommy land need these friends for navigating life, body, and mental well-being post childbirth. I believe it’s really important to have some of these mommy friends have children the same age as your own child, some that have older children, and some that have younger children. These friends help you realize you’re not alone, because they’re going through almost the exact same thing right now. They let you know you’re not crazy or imagining things, and that what you’re experiencing is normal because they’ve been there. And you get to be that word of encouragement to another mom, and prove to yourself that you’re not as clueless as you think. These mommy friends with kids of varying ages push us all along and encourage us in a myriad of ways.

Over time I have also learned that it’s great to have mommy friends that aren’t exactly like you. What I mean is that you don’t have to have the same parenting styles or viewpoint, because you cannot and will not see eye to eye with everybody. These varying perspectives challenge us to think critically and articulate why it is we believe what we do. These friends with different parenting ideas expand our horizons and help explore new ideas that hadn’t been considered. In the thick of motherhood we need each other.

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Now I know that not everyone has made or found that perfect mommy friend. Communities of faith or a trip to your local park can be a nice place to start.  The Internet can also be wonderful place too. It took me months to find a local Facebook group of moms with kids the same age as my own (give or take 12-18 months). It took even longer to find a local cloth diapering and baby wearing group. Many of these moms are ladies I have never met, rarely see, or are women I wish I had the chance to see more often. Regardless of those factors, they have been a great source of guidance, encouragement, and comraderie on this motherhood journey. I’ve learned that these online groups can lead to great playgroups and friendships offline too!

We’ve all heard, know, or experienced the awkwardness of making these mommy friends. But I’ll make you this challenge, if you can send that friend request to the girl or guy you haven’t talked to since high school or college, I think you can make the attempt at the mommy friend request. What’s the worst they could say….yes, may be, or no? For all you know, may be they’re just to afraid to ask you first.  However you make your mommy friends, I hope that you make them.