Raising a Child of Faith

Many say that they are trying to raise a child, but my husband and I routinely say that we are trying to raise a person. Our goal is not to have an 18 year old that is still dependent on us, but a person ready to make it in the world on their own. Granted as a mom you kind of want to be needed, but at the end of the day I want my daughter to be able to stand on her own two feet. Faith is something that has been very important to my husband and I, and nurturing our daughter in her Christian Faith is part of raising a person for us. We’re not always sure that we have it right, but last night gave us a glimmer that we might be on the right track.

https://pixabay.com/en/cherub-cemetery-nature-angel-figure-968811/

I’ll share more about what happened last night shortly, but here are some of the things we do to raise our daughter in our faith. As I’ve shared before, we do our best to make it to church each week, and keep her in worship with us. There are weeks that she may drive us crazy with how chatty and wiggly she can be, but that’s also expected for her. We always make sure to bring a variety of toys or quiet activities to keep her entertained and step out of the sanctuary when she gets to be too noisy. Thankfully we can still hear the service in the parlor or hallway outside the sanctuary, so we don’t feel like we’re missing out on too much. No matter how noise our little girl may have been, we always make it back into the sanctuary for communion, as that’s become one of her favorite parts of the service. Slowly but surely she is understanding the rhythm of the service and applying what she understands. Just the other week I noticed that she had bowed her head when the pastor said it was time for the prayer for confession. She didn’t know that this was a prayer she could keep her eyes open for, but she did what she understood she should do for a prayer. Another thing that we do to help grow our daughter’s faith is making prayer a daily part of our life. We have a long established bedtime routine that begins with a story, is followed by a prayer, and ends with a song and kisses. Now that VHP is talking, she helps to name whom or what she would like to pray about. Most nights her cousin and friends from school are top of the list, along with other family member, and mommy and daddy are rarely left off. Sometimes we get some interesting additions, like the potty or swim class. No matter the prayer requests she names, we honor them and add them to the list. It’s been really cute to see how the list has grown over the months, and to hear what matters to her from one day to the next.

Last night we had my mother-in-law over to celebrate her birthday with a special dinner. Like many meals, but especially birthday dinner, we began the meal with prayer. We asked VHP if she’d like to do the prayer and she said yes. I started with the usual “Dear God,” and here is what she said:

Thank you [for] LKG.

Thank you [for] Meghan.

Thank you [for] Jason.

Amen.

LKG is her cousin, Meghan is her aunt, and Jason is her uncle. I was stunned. My little girl at the mere age of two had said her first prayer on her own, and the first person she wanted to pray for was her cousin. Not to be forgotten was her aunt and uncle.

We may not be perfect at this parenting thing. I might not be perfect at teaching her all things I want about being a Christian. But I think we may be onto something with prayer.

An End to the Gun Violence

I’m not sure how many of you heard President Obama’s speech on Tuesday regarding gun violence, but it is definitely worth a listen. Whether you agree with our president on everything or not, one can’t help but feel compelled to do something about what’s going on in our country after his words. I don’t know what the answers are about gun control, but I do know I want a better place for my daughter.

It’s only been seven weeks since I wrote the post My Heart Hurts and sadly, it still does. The first mass shooting that comes to my mind was Columbine in 1999, which was when I was a sophomore in high school. At that time I knew some about what happened, but over time I learned more. Most of what I learned was about the victims and the community that took care of mending the broken hearts. I don’t recall learning much about the shooters, and I’m thankful for that. In the years since Columbine, we all know that mass shootings have been on the rise. What has also been on the rise is the publicity about those committing these atrocities. I want to hear more about the people who had their life cut short, and the amazing person they were! I want their stories to be able to live on, even when they cannot. This might not put an end to someone committing an awful crime, but this might take away the fame and glory that they’re seeking.

More than anything I do know that I want a better world for your children and mine. I don’t want my daughter to experience lockdown drills to prepare her for if/when the need may arise. I know of parents who talked to their children about alternate plans instead of waiting during a lockdown, but having a specific plan of action to protect themselves in other ways. This is not the conversation we should have to have with our babies, whether they are 4, 8, or 17!

No matter where we may stand on the issue of guns, gun ownership and increased regulations, we have to do something. How can we as an advanced society allow atrocities to continue happening? Even if increased regulations could not have prevented previous mass shootings, it does not mean that it won’t help in the future. I don’t know what this should look like and I don’t have all the answers to such a big issue. I do hope that despite differences, our elected representatives can work together to figure out a solution. Taking all guns away from law abiding Americans is not the answer. Taking guns always from those with mental illness in order to protect themselves and others may be. But this is not the end of what we need to do. Real conversation, prayer, and discernment does need to happen. If you could do something to keep your children safe, wouldn’t you do it?

Making Your Passwords Count

I know that at this time of year, everyone has set or is scrambling to set their New Year’s resolutions. I also know that many have shared that they’re not one to set resolutions. Others have said that they don’t set resolutions, but say that they set intentions. I definitely think that last group is really doing the same as the first and just trying to call it something different. I am definitely one that would fall in the second group, because as I shared last week I just disappoint myself by not following through on them. At the end of 2014 learned about setting inspirational passwords, and I feel that has been more powerful than resolutions I could set.

https://unsplash.com/photos/GANqCr1BRTU — unsplash

These inspirational passwords are meant to be a word or phrase to help keep you focused on what’s most important or needed in your life. It’s critical that these passwords be used on accounts you will use all the time, such as at work or your phone. In 2015 I had two words that remained the most important for me, and they were grace and peace. Each of these words applied to a different aspect of my life, but were what I really needed to make it through the year.

I am someone who can be REALLY hard on themselves about almost everything. I can find something to criticize myself about in all aspects of my life. Nothing is off limits from my own self-judgement…my parenting, being a spouse, home maintenance, volunteer work, and my job. Looking at that list it doesn’t leave much room for grace, which I knew I so desperately needed to give myself.
Honest confession here, I can get very irritated with what I perceive to be a lack of effort by others or not doing what they should be doing. I may not be perfect at what I do, but I try to give it my best. I get widely frustrated with others not trying to do the same. People are not necessarily going to change because I think they should, but I can change my response. Rather than perpetuate this way of thinking, I knew I had to change the way I thought about people. To do this I needed to find peace in that moment of irritation and give them grace.

Being honest about my struggle last year is not an easy thing for this self-critical gal. But I can say that these inspirational passwords helped. This may seem a little woo-woo to some, and great to other. All I know is that they helped me, and I hope that they help you. I can say that grace was a great thing to give myself all year, and I will continue to give myself more grace this year. I won’t share my word(s) for 2016 now for obvious security reasons, but look forward to sharing with you later how it goes.

Our Need for Rest

As we begin the first work week of 2016, I want to take a moment to remind all of us of our need for rest. All week long we work so hard, and far too often we go and go and go without taking a moment to pause. How often have you said that you need a weekend from your weekend? How often have you felt too exhausted to go back to work due to all that you did over the weekend? If you’re ever feeling this way, you need to make more time for rest.

Our bodies and minds are not made for all this going and going and going. We desperately need to make time for rest, so that we can be refreshed for the days ahead. Whether you make Saturday, Sunday, or another day of the week make sure you choose a day to rest. How you spend that day is up to you, but be sure it is in a way that gives you a renewed sense for the week ahead. I think about my day yesterday which was full of much running around, but ended with an evening spent with my extended family. I probably should have done the errand running on Saturday so that yesterday would have been more restful, but it was still time well spent. After spending the evening celebrating my uncle’s birthday and playing games with as a family, I feel much joy. I can definitely say that my heart and soul feel refreshed and ready for the days ahead.

How do you like to spend your day of rest? What helps you feel refreshed and renewed for the week ahead? I’ll share more in the future about sabbath keeping and our need for rest.

It’s The New Year Already?!

How did 2015 come and go so fast? Here’s hoping that in 2016 I can live a little healthier (exercise ~~more~~ at all and eat even better). I’m not one to make New Years resolutions, because I never manage to keep them and end up disappointed. I do like having a word or phrase that guides and inspires me through the year. I’ll share next week about what it was for 2015, and how it went for me. In the meantime, here are some things from the Internet to fill your time as you relax this new day of the new year.

Thank you worldwide web for the entertainment you provide throughout the pastyear. Merci for these highlights from 2015!

As a parents I’m sure we would all like a way to help our family bemore efficient in getting out the door in the morning. But let’s be real, someone is always to blame for slowing us down in getting out the door. May be these notes will help.

Are you feeling tired, overwhelmed, or burnt out from social media? Give these tips a try in 2016? I definitely want to do more of the first tip this year, because old fashioned isn’t always a bad thing!

How many of these songs from 2015 do you know can’t get out of your head?

Happy New Year everyone!!! Thank you for reading HebrewDawn in 2015, and I look forward to seeing where 2016 takes us!

The way we spend our time

What brings you joy? I have a friend who asks this question when speaking to someone about volunteering at the church where she works. I believe this is one of the best things for us to ask ourselves before agreeing to do something. Many of us are over scheduled and would like to see this change, but aren’t so good at setting limits or saying no. What if we asked ourselves question more often?

As I wrap up 2015 and look to 2016, I feel like I’ve asked myself this joy question more often. When faced with something I’m not sure I want to say yes to doing, it really helps me check my heart. Sometimes the answer is an emphatic yes, such as serving on my pastor’s sabbatical support committee or Ukirk RVA‘s advisory board. Sometimes the answer to the question is perhaps at a later date, like when asked to be a stephen minister. Other times the answer is no, and we’ve said yes out of obligation. Usually that yes said out obligation isn’t good for us or those that we’re helping. But that yes said in response to joy is never regrettable.

In 2016 I’m looking forward to checking my heart more often before agreeing to things, whether big or small. Taking the moment to ask this question about joy doesn’t apply in a faith context alone and can be deeply helpful in all aspects of our life. How we spend our time individually, as families, recreationally, and in business as a great impact on the rest of our life. In looking ahead hope you’ll join me in asking yourself more often:

Joyful & Bright

However you are spending this day I hope it’s a great day! May your Christmas be joyful and bright, full of yummy treats, and I hope you know how much your are loved. In the meantime, if you’re looking for an Internet break from family, let me help you out!

I still LOVE this video from the Richmond Christmas parade in which poor Rudolph has an unfortunate encounter. Thankfully we have some great hospitals that were able to fix him up for the following Christmas.

If you haven’t seen this holiday puzzle, check it out. Can you find the hidden panda?

Now that we’re done with all the office holiday parties, we can be honest about the strange gifts we may have received. Have you received anything like these?

The magic of Christmas through the eyes of a child is one of the most beautiful things. But seeing this magic disappear when you have to break the Santa news to your child can be heartbreaking. This letter in response to the news doesn’t make it any easier.

Thank goodness for the long holiday weekend, especially for my fellow sleep lovers out there. Hopefully my child and yours (if you have them) will let you sleep in!

Now get back to your families and friends, pretend you weren’t ignoring them for the Internet, and enjoy this beautiful Christmas!

Potty Training Why Must You Do This to Me?

many thanks to gratisography for the photo

For many parents, the time to start potty training is filled with joy for the day that diapers will be no more. For myself, it’s a period I dread. I’ve been a part of the team supporting child and their parents through the potty training process more times than I can name. I’ve cleaned up countless children, wiped up MANY floors, and done innumerable loads of laundry from “accidents” that may or may not have been an accident. No matter how you go about this process with a child I know that much of this is inevitable. Over time my thoughts on potty training has ebbed and flowed.

After watching many children succeed in learning to use the toilet and many have to go about it in their own way, I know that this process is not one size fits all. I’m also a firm believer that a child will not make the switch from diapers to the potty until they are good and ready. At times we can wonder if we’re crazy in what we’re thinking about on this parenting journey, but I really appreciated this post from Janet Lansbury affirming my inclination on why we shouldn’t potty train. I realize we can’t force a child to make the switch, but sometimes it’s hard to know when a child is good and ready.

My husband doesn’t get my potty training/toilet learning dread, as he thinks this is a great next step for our daughter. I’ve tried to explain what’s in our future and why I’m not wanting to rush this next stage, but I think seeing is believing. For the last several months, VHP has been showing more and more signs of potty training readiness. I’m really trying to follow her lead so that things can go as quickly, smoothly, and ~~painless~~ many loads of laundry free as possible.

Since thanksgiving, things have been even more potty focused in the Parker house. Around 12:00 on Thanksgiving day, I took VHP upstairs for a diaper change and she demanded no diaper. I asked if she needed to go potty, to which she responded yes. Took her and she did in fact pee a fair amount (not the first time this has happened mind you). After that she REFUSED to put a diaper on, so big girl panties it was. She did great through thanksgiving lunch (an early meal due to my brother having to work), and went potty again before nap. I did put a diaper on for nap time (much to her dismay), but it was right back to being in panties after that. Difference this time was that she would NOT use the potty. Well, during snack she decided she HAD to come sit with me. As anyone can guess, half way through snack she and I both had wet pants. We changed our clothes, finished snack and played for a bit. After snack we tried to potty again with no luck. Shortly thereafter my mom noticed VHP’s pants were wet AGAIN. Changed her clothes AGAIN which I know is normal for this process, but tiring nonetheless. Before long it was potty time again, VHP wouldn’t go, and not too long after that it was accident #3! I decided enough was enough, and back to the diapers she went (with much protestation)!

Over the next couple weeks VHP would use the potty some, but this past week it’s been different. She has started requesting to go potty, and really going more than usual. Saturday she used the potty more than soiling her diapers, and for that I was really excited. But then there was the after dinner diaper change incident in a public restroom. She was being cooperative through the diaper change, and all was well in our world. Then I asked if she needs to go potty, which is the normal diaper change question lately, and her response was yes. I’m getting ready to grab her and take her potty when I notice the changing pad is getting wet. She smiles. I tell her we don’t pee on the change on the changing table, to which she responds, “yeah, pee potty.” I affirm this and clean up the new mess on our hands. VHP keeps giggling and declares, “its’s funny!”

Sigh, have I mentioned I dread potty training?!

I’m hoping this whole process goes well, but I’m feeling quite skeptical. Tips for what has worked for you? Guidance on what hasn’t worked? Stories to share on the ~~challenges~~ JOY of switching from diapers to using the potty?

Feeling Thankful

My husband and I each have relatively large families, which can make for a lot of joy and chaos in getting everyone together. Z’s mother is one of five, Z’s father is one of two, my mother is one of four, my dad is one of three, and I have stepparents too. Add this all together and there are SO MANY people to love and keep up with throughout the year. Planning anything that will include our extended family suddenly becomes a large scale affair, with much noise, food, and laughter.

This time of year, is when my mother-in-law’s side of the family has been I the habit of getting as many members of the extended family together. This year we were lucky enough to have all five sisters together for the first time since I’ve been with Zach. We were missing some of the cousins, due to obligations where they live out of state, or sick children. Getting everyone together under one roof is always organized chaos, but the time with everyone was so great.

For at least 30 minutes off and on, my daughter and niece played banged on the piano to provide some mood music. The newest cousin to the bunch couldn’t be left out, so he joined in on the fun as well. After a while we did have to close the piano up, lest we all be subjected too entertained all afternoon. There were lots of giggles and squeals from all the little people. There was lots of catching up with family members not seen in quite some time. And of course there were many snuggles. I’m quite jealous that my husband ended the day with all these cuties.

I may not have had all the kiddo snuggles Saturday, but I did get time with one of my cousins Sunday. We had an impromptu get together for the Redskins game at our house, which led to some friends and family coming over. I have two cousins from my dad’s side that live here in town, but I most certainly do not get to see them nearly enough. Lucky for me, the stars aligned, and one was able to come over and hangout. It was so great to catch up, hear the great things going on in her life, and to simply be together.

After all this time with people I love, I’m full of thanks today.

When Things Aren’t What You Expect

Today is the fourth and final part in my series on calling. If you missed the first three you can catch up by reading Part I, Part II, and Part III.

So where were we?

In December of 2009 I began my first full-time position in the church, and I was excited to take this next step in my journey through ministry. It was while working here over the next 18 months that I completed my clinical pastoral education (on top of working), planned a wedding, got married, and survived my first foot surgery. It was while working with the middle and high school students that I was able to give the all time that I had wanted to give youth (that I knew they needed). It was while working at this church that I began to question my call to parrish (church) ministry and my time spent in seminary.

Through months of discernment, tears, and tough conversations with my husband and mentors, I realized that my calling wasn’t exactly what I thought it was or should be. My call wasn’t cookie cutter like my seminary classmates. My call wasn’t that I should be confined to the four walls of a church. I wasn’t completely sure how it would all shake out, but I knew I needed to do something different. In May of 2011 I resigned from my position at the church to begin something new. In those moments I was afraid that my seminary degree was a waste if I wasn’t working in a church, but had to trust what would happen next.

Over the next few years I spent time doing work similar and unlike anything I ever had before. I briefly went back to teaching at the preschool I had worked at through college and my first semester of seminary. I loved working with the children, but the LOW salary wasn’t something I could live with long-term. Hats off to those making a career in early childhood, because you survive on pennies! In January of 2012, I began a new chapter for myself. I moved into the not-for–profit sector where I realized that all my education and career experience wasn’t for naught. I might not use my biblical and theological (seminary) training in my day-to-day work, but the other skills (public speaking, conflict resolution, listening and caring, etc.) I gained were invaluable. In my personal time, I was able to give back to my church using my biblical and theological training through teaching and leading small groups.

Throughout all of this, I continued through the ordination process of the PCUSA. I did everything I needed to do to get ordained, EXCEPT the last two steps (getting certified ready to receive a call and finding a call). Many move from one step to the next without a pause, but I personally wouldn’t allow myself to get certified until I knew exactly and where God was calling me to serve. For FIVE years I continued in this process of trying to understand where and how God was calling me to serve. Through this period of discernment, my husband and I bought our “forever home” and started a family thus establishing roots firmly near our family.

In October of this year, I finally withdrew from the candidacy process for ordination. I did this not because I no longer believe God was calling me to serve. I came to realize that I was not in a place my life that I was ready to pick up and move for the chance to be ordained. You see, in the Presbyterian church, you have to have a call (a JOB) to be ordained to. Though I know the work I’m currently doing professionally and as a volunteer IS where God is calling me to be, it’s not the kind for ordination. I don’t know if or when this will change, but I knew it wasn’t fair to the committee waiting on me and my paperwork. I cried writing that letter of resignation, but I know that this isn’t the end.

I hope to share more in the future about all of this, but I’ll end for now sharing some things that I’ve come to realize.

Questioning my call was by no fault of the congregations I had worked with previously.
This career journey and change did not reverse whether or not God had called me to serve.
Questioning and discernment was and is not uncommon for many people of faith.

I’m excited to see what God has in store for me in the future.

I’m excited and grateful for where I am now, the people I work with, and the people I get to volunteer with at my church.

Being called by God is not one size fits all. God uses those around you to speak to you and guide you where you need to be in a given moment. As much as you may try to run or hide from where God is calling you, you cannot get away from the Almighty. You’ll never know what’s around the corner, but it’s usually better than you’d expect.