Dear Stay-at-Home Mama

Dear Stay-at-Home Mama,
You inspire me.

You have chosen to spend each of your days caring for your little ones. Day in and day out and around the clock you care for your precious littles. You have sacrificed moving up the career ladder to spend your days with your child(ren). You spend more time carrying conversations with little people than adults. You know how to pinch a penny and make the most of a budget, to ensure your family has what it needs on one salary. You never get a break because your children are used to having you nearby all the time.

And these (among other things) are things I didn’t think I could do. I’m sure I could do some of this, but I honestly don’t know that I’d want to. As a stay-at-home mama, you have one of the hardest jobs I can imagine. You are ALWAYS being watched by your child(ren) to see how they should act or behave or talk. You make many sacrifices on the little pleasures to keep your budget in check. Let’s be real, I really like getting that latte when I’ve had a rough morning with the little one or at work. I also like having a “break” from my daughter while I go to work.

Some may think I’m crazy for admitting these things, but there are reasons behind it all. I didn’t feel that I was in a place in my career that I could afford the time away from the workforce. Some careers are just easier to come back to after an extended break. I’ve worked with kids for years. But I know that an entire day of mostly talking to kids does a number on me. I need more mental stimulation than conversations and stories with a toddler can provide. I also believe that my time away at work makes me better when I am with my little girl.

Do I ever doubt my decision to not stay at home? Yes!

Do I wish that I could stay home? Sometimes, but not all the time.

Do I enjoy working and juggling motherhood? Sometimes, it’s a lot to manage.

All this said, being a mama is tough. Whether you stay home or work away from the home, we are all mamas and need to support each other. We are all trying to juggle a lot. Stay-at-home mama, I’m sure you need a break sometimes, because you never really get one. What would be the best way to support you?

The Challenge…

We all have different abilities. Some are great at math, some are great at fixing things, some are great cooks, and I’m none of those things. I do love learning languages and I’ve spent most of my life working with our youngest members of society from the ages of 0 to 18. I’m exceptionally fond of working with itsy bitsy babies, preschoolers, and teens. On the flip side, in my years of working at a local preschool, I would generally try to avoid those between the ages 16 to 36 months.

Those little people I like to avoid are also known as:

These little people are brilliant. They are little explorers, learning and discovering the world around them. They are learning how to be people. They are learning how to be independent. They are also learning how to push the limits of our sanity. These little geniuses drive me absolutely MAD with their limit pushing.

People, I’m going to be really honest with you. But I’ll warn you that I’ve had friends look at me like I have three heads and fifty eyes for saying this. I don’t really like toddlers, and I’m currently the mother to a toddler. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my toddler. But I don’t always like the behavior of this little person. Yeah I know toddlers are great in many ways! They’re growing and learning so much every day, and we ge to be a part of it as parents. It’s a privilege, and we get to watch them go through this process, but it’s also maddening along the way!

In recent months I stumbled upon this post about surviving the “terrible twos,” and now I’m love with the Danes. They don’t refer to this period of time as the “terrible twos,” or anything like that but as the “boundary stage.” This couldn’t be more accurate, as these little people are constantly working to understand the what boundaries exist around them. My precious toddler isn’t a psychopath, she’s just exploring another boundary!

Now don’t you dare think I’m healed of my toddler anxiety and frustration. I still have A LOT of work to do. I do plan to share with you more on how I’m managing this and resources I’ve found along the way. And if you have great resources, please share them, as I could use them too! Please know you are not alone in this toddler struggle, I’m in the thick of it with you!

Working Mama

Dear Working Mama,

You are doing a great job! I know that it doesn’t always feel that way, especially when the guilt kicks in. Our list of worries, laments, and feelings can vary for each of us (in no particular order):

You wonder if you should be a stay-at-home mom, because it’s better for your child(re).
You lament that you’re missing out on things during the day/evening (depending on your work schedule) when someone else is with your child.
You forget to send in the needed things to daycare/preschool/the babysitter, because your mind is torn in fifty billion directions.
You feel guilty that you enjoy the break from your child(ren) while you’re at work.
You feel guilty that you’re distracted at work thinking about your little ones, making you not the top notch employee you once were.
You plot ways to be able to stay at home, but realize you can’t afford to do it. Now you wish you would have planned and saved better.
You feel overworked, underpaid, and unable to finish your to-do lists.

This list could keep running on, just as the depth of our guilt, insecurities, and fears. The judgment from other moms and women don’t help these feelings either. I’m here to tell you that you are awesome. No matter what the internal or external dialogue is telling you, you are doing a great job.

Your list of accomplishments are also great:

You are fierce at slashing things off a to-do list (whether or not all fifty billion things come off).
You can juggle a purse, work bag, diaper bag, and baby up one flight of stairs and down another.
The depth of your love for yourself, child(ren), and your work is impressive.
You are a great role model for your child(ren).
You are a strong woman.
You know how to plan for what you and your family needs.

This list could keep running on, because you are great at what you do.
Mama look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful and GREAT at what you do. When you see a working mama, tell her she’s doing a good job. She needs to hear from her village that she is enough and that she is accomplishing more than she knows. Trust me, she really needs to hear this from you, as you may be the only person telling her.

Parenting

Friends,
It’s been a LONG time since I last wrote a post , and I’ve been really inconsistent about posting since I started HebrewDawn. I’ve realized that I need to get back on the posting wagon, especially so I can share some things that have been weighing on my heart.

I’m going to be really honest with you. Becoming a mama to VHP is the best thing I have ever done, while being the hardest thing at the same time. It feels like everyone wants to tell you how beautiful and magical it is, without telling you the other side of the story. It’s like they’re afraid they’ll scare you away from this beautiful and magical journey called motherhood. Yes motherhood is beautiful and full of many magical moments, but it is also messy and has its tearful moments.

I’ve been in the business of babies, preschoolers, children, and teens for over twenties years now. Many folks in my family said I would be great at this motherhood thing and wouldn’t need help. Guess what? I don’t have lots of questions on what do or how to do things, but I DO need help and do have questions from time to time. Every single one of us on this journey of motherhood (fatherhood for you dads), needs help! It takes a village to raise a child. That village can look very different for every single one of us, but we all need our village. Society is focused on having us say, “I can do it” or “I’ve got it covered” or “I can do this by myself!” But all of that isn’t true. We are built for community, and we need to say “I can do it, but I need you by my side on this path.”

It’s my hope to share some honest stories about this journey of being a mama, and how I am trying to manage it. I also plan to share other stories on being a wife, balancing work + life, and other various things. I hope you’ll join me for the ride and poke me if I’m not posting enough.

Starting Again

It has been quite some time since I was last on here!

A LOT has happened! When I started this blog I was documenting my foot issues. So, I’ve recovered from two foot surgeries, one for a bunionectomy and torn ligament on my left foot and a right double bunionectomy (Austin and Tailor’s). I then recovered from other foot issues (neuromas and capsulitis), and got my feet healthy so Z and I could start a family.

And now we have started our sweet family with the birth of our sweet VHP:

Starting in eleven short days, I begin a new adventure…juggling being a wife, a mom, going back to work, being okay with working while someone else watches my little girl. Thankfully the someone else is the people that I love a whole heck of a lot…my mother, my mother-in-law, and my best friend C. What makes this even better is that when my mom and mother-in-law watch the baby to be at the house. So even though I’m working I’ll still get to see my little girl some throughout the day! Then when my best friend watches VHP she’ll be just a few minutes away and hanging out with het BFF C’s little girl
The reality of going back to work hit me yesterday, and I’m working on coming to grips with this change. But in the midst of this adjustment I’m so thankful that even though I won’t be the primary caregiver, my little girl will be in good hands and I won’t miss out on everything since my office is at home!

I should probably end this post now as I’m starting to ramble. So I’ll close by saying that I don’t know if this will turn into full on mommy blog, but I do plan to share how I juggle being a wife, a mom, working for a non-profit, volunteering at our church, and still having a life along the way. Here we go!

Surgery and 1 Week Post-Op

So a week ago today (Friday, February 4, 2010) was the surgery. I have to admit, I was sorta nervous about it…mainly because this was a first for me…having surgery that is.

Going into the surgery, the plan was for me to be under general anesthesia while Dr. Shadbolt performed an Austin Bunionectomy, and in the process figured out if there was something else causing additional pain (hypothesis was cartilage damage).

Here’s a surgical animation showing what would be done to my left foot:

Details of the Big Day: I arrived at the hospital bright and early at 8:30, checked in, and was called back to pre-op around 9:00. The nurses were really great, made me feel completely comfortable and at ease with all that was going to happen. The anesthesiologist arrived just in time to distract me while the nurse was putting in the IV needle (I’m not a fan of needles) and to give me the run down of things on his end. Not to long after that the nurses that would be in the operating came over to introduce themselves, and then Dr. Shadbolt came over to run things over with me as well. Went into surgery promptly at 10:30 as scheduled. I remember going into the operating room, getting onto the operating table, everyone greeting me, being strapped down, and then I was out. Woke up in the recovery area around 11:30 or 12:00, not quite sure…because everything was a little fuzzy. Suprisingly enough, I was home from the hospital and situated in the living room by 1:45!

Results of the surgery: As soon as Dr. Shadbolt began surgery, he found the problem…a torn ligament. He snipped it out and sewed some of the surrounding tissue together to take the place of the ligament and support the bones. After that he completed the bunionectomy, and it all went well. He told Zach that it looked like a hereditary bunion, not due to my shoes, and hopefully I wtouldn’t need surgery on my right foot anytime soon. *Here’s hoping & praying that that’s the case!*

First Follow-Up Appointment: This past Wednesday (Feburary 9th) was an appointment to change the dressing and make sure there was no infection. Had an x-ray of the foot taken, and everything looked good…could barely see where Dr. Shadbolt had even cut the bone! Wahoo! When it came time to change the dressing, everything looked good…no extra bleeding and no infection! At the end of the appointment I was told that I no longer had to use the crutches and that I could just walk with the surgical shoe (that things is weird!), and shower with the shower safe! They warned me to take it easy, because every time you walk on it it’s going to swell…so really to only walk if I had to.

The Past Few Days: Over the course of the week I’ve been able to cut back on the pain meds…stopped taking the hydrocone Monday night, switched to aleve Tuesday, and not always feeling like I need it. This is not to say that I haven’t been taking the aleve, because I have. There are times that it does hurt, and I do need to take it. It’s been really awesome to be able to shower…albeit slow and challenging to not put weight on the front of my foot. It’s been nice to not have to use the crutches…but I move much slower without them.

A couple steps back: The past couple of nights have been rough….huge spikes in pain in the middle of the night. Last night was by far the worst. I woke up at 1 am, with pain shooting through my foot. By 2 am Zach was kind enough to go get the hydrocodone and some water for me to take a stronger pain med, since the aleve wasn’t cutting it. After awhile, the meds kicked in and I was able to get a good night of sleep. Talked with Dr. Shadbolt today, and found out that the pain at night was normal. It’s especially common if you’ve been on it a lot, which I haven’t. So, the recommendation…take the hydrocodone before bed to help me sleep pain free, and use the crutches again. *sigh* I’ll do what I have to, if this keeps things from hurting.

Second follow-up appointment this coming Wednesday…and hopefully things will only continue to get better!

The Foot Story

As many of you know I have spent the last year plus dealing with some foot issues that have now resulted in surgery. Many have asked about what is going on, how I hurt it, and how long the recovery will take. So I thought I’d fill you all in.

The History:

May 2009: Left foot has started to bother me, I blame it on the shoes I wear. Make a special trip to Saxon’s to visit a dear friend and pick out a good pair of shoes to help the feet. At the end of the day we settled on some Danskos. I wasn’t a huge fan of the shoes before that day, but after trying them on, I was in love. For my starter pair, I bought the Mary Jane style.

July 2009: Go to the doctor for the annual physical…everything was good. Talked to her about my foot pain, and she said I just need to keep wearing shoes with a wide toe box, like my Danskos. If I kept it up, I should be fine.

(Time went by, the foot seemed to be doing okay…and definitely liked it best when I wore my Danskos…..so I bought a second pair)

(I immediately feel in love with the feel of these. She’s not the cutest shoe, but boy is she comfy.)

May 15,2010: Have a beautiful garden wedding to attend. I opted to wear these really cute white shoes that I bought at La Target Boutique 😉 the summer before. By the end of the night, my feet were not happy. I blamed the pain on the shoes…I mean they’re heels, even if they’re low they can hurt your feet. Back to the flats for me!

May 30, 2010: For this lovely wedding, I opted for a pair of cushioned kitten heels that would match well with my dress. But, by the end of the night, even those shoes were hurting my feet. This got me thinking that may be I should just stay out of all heels period. *sigh*

July 10, 2010: Off to another great wedding ceremony with a cute pair of black heels (that have been my default comfy heels in the past)….and they absolutely kill my feet. Get back to the hotel before the reception and promptly change into a pair of flats before heading down.

July 11, 2010: Wake up the next morning and feel like I’m dying from the pain. My foot hurts worse than ever. I now know that we have a serious problem. I’m going for help!

July 12, 2010: Call my doctor’s office for the recommendation of a good podiatrist…they recommend Dr. Shadbolt (who conveniently works in the same building as them)….but he’s booked up for the next week and a half. *ugh* Call around Richmond until I find a podiatrist that can see me that day. Meet Dr. I’m-not-going-to-say his name. He tells me that my problem is metatarsalgia and that I don’t have enough fat in the pads of my feet. Awesome! What can I do about that? Well nothing. Or wear running shoes (oh, so stylish!) because they’ll give me the cushion I don’t have, ice them, soak them in epsom salt, rest and take some Aleve. Also, might need some orthotics, they’ll help give my foot better support to alleviate the pain. We’ll be in touch after we talk to the insurance company. Call if there’s a problem.

July 18-24, 2010: On a mission trip with my middle schoolers, and feel like I’m dying from the foot pain while trying to work alongside them. Talk to Dr. I’m-not-going-to-say his name’s office, find out the orthotics aren’t covered, because they’re only covered for diabetics, and he prescribes some higher dose pain meds, and wishes me luck on my mission trip.

July 28, 2010: Fit for the orthotics. Dr. I’m-not-going-to-say his name, insists the entire appointment that I must be a runner, that would expain why there’s not enough fat on my feet. I tell him no, I’m not a runner. Z tells him no, I’m not a runner. He looks at me in disbelief. I mean, if you’re chasing me, I might run.

August 17, 2010: Get the orthotics. Talk again about me being the runner that I’m not. Given a refill on the pain meds to help get me through pre-wedding festivities, told to call if I need more meds to get me through the wedding and honeymoon. Wishes me luck and told the orthotics, running shoes, ice, epsom salt, rest and aleve should do the trick. Tells me there isn’t much else to be done about the metatarsalgia and says so long.

Do okay for a bit. Wear the orthotics, stay in running shoes (so unfashionable!), try to be good about icing my feet and soaking them. Rest and stay off of them when I can.

October 9, 2010: Wedding day! Take my pain meds, iced my feet while getting my hair and make-up done. Wore a cute pair of patent leather eggplant flats (to match the bridesmaid dresses) with cushioned inserts for the ceremony and pictures. Feel like my feet are going to die. Change into running shoes as soon as we get to the reception, and felt much better.

October 10-20, 2010: Did alright throughout the honeymoon….which I attribute to staying on the pain meds everyday, and taking time to rest as soon as the feet started to hurt.

Did okay for the next couple of months. Made sure to rest, ice, and soak my feet on Mondays…Sundays were rough on my meet from being on them all day at church. Tried to just maintain.

December 20, 2010: Hit the breaking point, the feet are hurting more than ever. Decide to give Dr. Shadbolt a call for an appointment (turns out he’s my stepmom’s podiatrist as well).

December 27, 2010: As soon as Dr. Shadbolt touches my foot, he can feel that something isn’t right. Does an x-ray, and sees that there is/was a tibial sesamoid fracture. For those of you that don’t know…there are two little bones at the ball of your foot called sesamoids which function much like the patella (which is a sesamoid bone as well). He thinks that the fracture along with my bunions are the root of the pain. Tells me that the options are a cortisone shot or surgery to go in and fix the problem. *YIKES* I opt for the shot.

Did well for a week, but on Sunday, January 9, 2011, the pain came back with a vengeance.

January 18, 2011: Appointment #2 with Dr. Shadbolt…we’re both disappointed that the cortisone shot didn’t work, and know that the next thing is surgery. Reason being, is that from looking at the x-ray, there was a questionable white spot in the area of the great toe. Dr. Shadbolt thinks that it could be cartilage damage, can feel that something is off in the toe, but not quite sure what it is until they get in there. Whatever the white spot is is not supposed to be there and it needs to be fixed.

Feburary 4, 2010: Surgery….more tomorrow!

Productive Wednesday of Wedding Planning!

So I’m super excited to share that three big things have been checked off the wedding to-do list!

Zach purchased our plane tickets for Morroco! (The best part of it all, is that we get to fly out of Richmond, and we only have a brief layover in New York.! And to top it all off, we arrive on Monday, rather than Tuesday, giving us an extra day!)
The Florist is officially booked! (Vogue Flowers – Zoie the event coordinator has been wonderful to work with!)
The caterer is booked! The food is going to be super delicious! I would tell you, but I would hate to ruin the surprise for you!

So, Wednesday was a great day in wedding planning in my mind….LOTS of things checked off the list! Wahoo!

Who is Keisha?

Several months back, the calls for Keisha began.

At first it was this lady…

Me: “Hello”

Lady: “Hi, K-something?”

Me: “I’m sorry you have the wrong number”

Lady: “Is this K-something?”

Me: “Not it is not, I”m sorry you have the wrong number”

Lady: “Is this ***-###-###?” (note the last 7 digits of the number are the exact same as my own)

Me: “No, this is ###-###-###”

Click

A few weeks later with the lady…

almost the exact same phone call as before

A few more weeks go by and the lady calls again…

Me: “Hello?”

Lady: “Hi, hunny”

Me: “Excuse me, who is this?”

Lady: “Your mother”

Me: “I don’t believe so, I think you have the wrong number.”

Lady: “Is this K-something?”

Me: “Not it is not, I”m sorry you have the wrong number. You’ve called me a few times before.”

Lady: “Is this ***-###-###?” (note the last 7 digits of the number are the exact same as my own…YET AGAIN!)

Me: “No, this is ###-###-###”

Lady: “Oh, I think I know what the problem is. You see my daughter K-something has the same number as you. But her number is 860-###-###…she live in Connecticut. I just forget to dial the area code when I call her, you and me must be in the same area. Sorry hunny”

click…she hangs up

A few weeks go by and I get a text message:

Dude Man: Keisha

Me: No, this is not Keisha.

Dude Man: Chris i met u in da store

Me: I have no idea what you’re talking about

Dude Man: Is ur name keisha

Me: No

Dude Man: Mayne u jus gave me ya numba at da gas station

Me: No, I did not. I have not been to the gas station today.

Dude Man:

Me: Sorry, I have no idea who you are. Someone gave you the wrong number. I believe you just got played.

The texts stop

A few weeks later I get a call from a doctors office reminding K-something about her child’s doctor’s appointment.

A few more weeks go by and I get a text message:

Playa McRandomson: Wazup

Me: Who is this?

Playa McRandomson: Mike u gave me ur numba a min ago bt waz waz busy

Me: No, I did not.

Playa McRandomson: Dis kiesha

Me: No

texts stop.

I wish this chick would stop giving out my number! Is it always Keisha and just using the wrong area code or two different girls with K names giving out my number? I just wish it would stop. Should I change my phone number?

HONEYMOON!

As some of you know, Z and I have settled on a honeymoon destination…MORROCCO!!!

We wanted to pick somewhere that neither one of us had ever been, that wasn’t a cruise or resort, a place where we could experience the local culture, somewhere we could get the biggest bang for our buck (a.k.a. not in the euro zone), and have unique once in a life time experience for just the two us. I think we’ve succeeded in picking Morrocco?

So…being that things are on a tight budget for the wedding we definitely want to make each aspect our honeymoon be as affordable as possible.

Money Spent in Country: Not too big of a stressor for since things are supposed to be affordable in county… from what we’ve been reading, we should able to get by on $100 a day or less for the two of us
Flights: This is where we need to be as smart as possible with our money! Getting to Africa isn’t cheap….but it’s definitely terribly much more than say going to some other places. We also keep reminding ourselves, that yes the flights may be a little more than we would like to spend…but it’s going to be cheap in country.

So here our adventures of finding the best flight prices…..

Idea 1: Fly out of Richmond into Casablanca (Mohammad V is the international flight hub in Morrocco) – this is ideal since we would not have to travel far, wouldn’t have to pay for parking (someone can drop us off…right mom?), just wake up and go. BUT, this plan costs the most…current flights are going for $1161 *ouch!*

Idea 2: Fly out of Washington D.C. into Casablanca – when we first checked on this idea, flights were around $800-$850….not a terrible prices….but much more than say going to central America. Do we really want to spend this kind of money on plane tickets?

*INTERLUDE* Well we then went back to the drawing board. We toyed around with the idea of going to Central/South America/Carribean: flights to Costa Rica were only $280 round trip out of D.C.; free if we used my frequent flyer miles for me to some countries (but why not save it and go somewhere in USA for both of us free) ; I wanted to go somewhere non-Spanish speaking; didn’t want our honeymoon rained on (it’s the rainy season and/or hurricane season).

So we decided this was a bad idea…we still wanted to go to Morrocco!

We just needed to figure out the most affordable way…and then came idea 3!

Idea 3: Fly out of Richmond into Madrid, then take an EasyJet flight from Madrid into Marrakech. Flying to and from Madrid was about $650 (could get one ticket free if we used my miles)….then flying on EasyJet would only be 36.98 Euros. This didn’t seem like too bad of an idea….$49.49 per person….but then we realized the luggage issue! It was going to cost us 22 euros ($29.44) per suitcase! Not too bad if we weren’t planning on taking much or bringing much back! We talked with friends who had used EasyJet…and the resounding theme was not to check 2 pieces of luggage each to accommodate or clothes and goodies. *UGH*

Back to the drawing board we go!

Idea 4/Idea 2 revisted: Washington D.C. to Cassblanca! After playing with flights, we think this is going to be our best bet! Last week flights were $852….then the volcano erupted in Iceland…the flight is now $997!

So now, I’m just trying to be patient (yeah right for me!) for the flights to come down….I will go on my honeymoon to Morrocco and it’s not going to cost me an arm and a leg!