Do you want more kids?

So is this your only one? When are you going to have another one? How far apart do you want to have kids? Don’t you want a boy/girl too? How many kids are you going to have? They need to have a sibling! How much longer until your next one?

I’m sure you’ve experienced these questions before from family, friends, and strangers that you’ve encountered. I know that they mean well, and are excited to see your family grow. But my recurring thought is, um, could you please mind your business? I honestly don’t mean this in a rude way, but these are really loaded question to ask someone.

Speaking from my own experience and the stories from other moms that mean a lot to me, here are some things to consider…

May be they’re not ready to have another one, because postpartum depression was a doozy.
May be they’ve been desperately trying to conceive, and have been unable to have another.
May be they had a scary birth experience, and they’re afraid to experience it again.
May be they don’t want to have another child, because one child is all that they can afford.
May be they haven’t had another one yet, because they’re simply not ready.

Lastly, may be there are reasons that none of us ever considered. Let’s not open a wound that is raw, that cuts deeply, and love someone where they are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, parenting is hard. It’s also full of great joy, but we all need support each other wherever we are in the journey. My husband and I experience these question from time to time, and sometimes we let some family members know what we’re thinking. Though we may answer these seemingly simple questions on occasion, we are cautious not to answer every single one, because I have my own list of concerns and worries…

What if we are not able to have another?
What if we conceive twins?
Can we handle another child financially?
What if I’m not ready?
What if my daughter isn’t ready?
What if we cannot afford childcare for another one?
What about my friends desperately trying to have children? What if we conceive before they do.

The what ifs can become overwhelming, just as the well meaning questions can be burdensome. So, rather than ask when another child is coming, let’s love the parent where they are on this journey AND the child that they ALREADY have!

Let me know, have you been asked these types of questions? If you’ve been asked, how have you responded?

My heart hurts

There is so much pain and suffering in the world, and my heart hurts.

In most of my professional life I have worked with our young members of society (birth to 18 years old). In most recent years, my work has primarily been with those in middle school and high school…born between 1997 – 2004. With the recent tragedy in Paris, bombing in Beirut, and air strikes on ISIS, and refusal to accept Syrian refugees, my heart is breaking for this generation.

These students were born in or on the cusp of a post-9/11 world. For the entirety (or close to) of their lives, our country has been at war. We’ve been told that we are waging a war on terror. But honestly, what does that even mean? Who is defining what or who that terror is.

I’m no longer concerned with the finger pointing of who is responsible or the cause. I want peace. I want my daughter to live in a different world from my students, and know a world not at war. I want love and dialogue to be the negotiation technique, rather than sanctions and air strikes. I want our men and women in the armed forces to be home with their loved ones rather than be deployed in more locations than we could possibly count.

My heart breaks for Paris, but more than anything it breaks for our world.

A powerful response by a husband for his wife killed in the Paris tragedy.

Two Years Ago…

Apologies in advance…this is a really long post.

Two years ago today, our friend came over to drop off some congratulatory Hardywood Gingerbread Stout to enjoy after our little girl arrived. Little did we know what the evening had in store for us.

Around 7:00 pm contractions started AGAIN. Since it had been two weeks since the contractions had begun their tortuous cycle (starting, getting my our hopes up, stopping), neither Z or I believed I was in labor. We continued hanging out with our friend and trying to pass the time until I would be in labor. Just like I had been, I would began rocking on my yoga ball or moving around to ease discomfort and keep labor progressing (in case this was really labor).

Before we all knew it, it was 8:30 pm and our friend had to leave to meet up with some other folks for the evening. Otherwise known as, hang out with other people who are not ~~married and anxiously awaiting their daughter’s arrival~~ boring. At this point contractions kept getting stronger…as I expected (and had dealt with for the last two weeks).

Around 9:30 pm we decided to head to Z’s man cave for a change of scenery. Z graciously carried my giant yoga ball upstairs. Contractions kept doing their thing, and getting progressively closer together and longer. Throughout the evening Z would rub my back and put pressure on my low back to help with the discomfort, and I would rock around on my yoga ball.

By 11:00 pm we were getting pretty confident that this was ACTUALLY LABOR. I told Z he should get a shower and some sleep. Who knew long he’d be waiting around at the hospital, and it would be better to be clean and well rested. I kept moving around or rocking on my yoga ball, because I knew it was better to labor as long as I could at home. If I was to have a chance at the medication-free and low-intervention birth I wanted, less time at the hospital was key

At 1:00 am I woke up Z because it was time to call the doctor! The contractions were FINALLY one minute long and five minutes apart for the last hour! The doctor on call, we shall call her Dr. T, turned out to be my sister-in-law’s doctor! We had joked that she would deliver our baby, because my doctor had delivered her baby 51 weeks prior! Doctor T was excited for us and said she’d call the hospital to let them know they may see us soon. She did warn me that she might not be the doctor we’d see at the hospital as her shift ended at 6:00 am, but we’d be in great hands with the next doctor, whom we’ll call Dr. J. Dr. T then instructed us to head to the hospital when we’re ready. What? When we’re ready? How was I supposed to know that? Dr. T assured me that I would know and wished me luck. After much assurance that I was fine and I wanted him to get the rest that I knew I could get, Z dozed off.

4:30 am I woke up Z to go to the hospital. The contractions were getting much stronger and I knew that soon a 16 minute drive to the hospital would be miserable. Being able to move around REALLY helped with discomfort. We started packing up and called the moms to let them know it was go time.

6:00 am we checked into the hospital and went up to our delivery room. Definitely took us some time to get there as I would need to stop, breath, and rock through the contractions. Got checked in by the nurses, and found I was 6 cm dilated. Only four more to go!

By 7:00 am my mom arrived, and I’m so glad that she did. Initially I thought I would only want it to be Z and I in the delivery room. Z was convinced it would be best to have my mom there, and boy was he right!

7:30 am I climbed into the hydrotherapy tub, which was AMAZING!!! After 30 or 45 minutes we decided it was time to get me moving again.

8:15 or 8:30 am I was robed up and ready for a walk around the halls. As soon as we walked out of the room I felt some water dribbling, which soon became a flood. MY WATER BROKE. My wonderful nurse and Dr. J checked me over and I was 8 cm dilated. Still had some progress to make before we were ready to push.

From this point on things are somewhat of a blur. I fought listening to the nurse about trying different positions to help labor progress. I survived transition. Then I made it to 10 cm and 100 % effaced.

Around 2:00 pm it was time to start pushing and I was EXHAUSTED. Through each contraction my nurse would hold one leg, Z would hold the other, and my mom would cheer me on and wipe my head with a cold cloth, and I would push with everything within me. After I was done pushing, I would collapse. The first time it happened, Z thought something was wrong and checked with the nurse. This cycle continued for the next 50 minutes.

2:45 pm It was time for one final push. Dr. J wasn’t in the room yet to deliver the baby. Our nurse tried to coach me through breathing to wait, but our little girl wasn’t waiting.

2:50 pm Our nurse kept her cool, guided the baby out, unwrapped the cord from her neck, and VHP made her debut. First thing she did was stare up at her daddy and stole his heart. Next they laid her on my chest, and life has never been the same.

Dear Expectant Mama

Dear Expectant Mama,

In case you weren’t aware or ready for YOUR pregnancy to be over, you are due to have your sweet baby any day or week now. Every friend, family member, co-worker, and stranger off the street would like to know when your little one will make their debut.

Of all people, wouldn’t you love to know?! Close behind you would be your beloved partner who is living with you and ~~dealing~~ supporting you through this (period of joyful expectation) waiting zone. In the meantime, I’m begging you… Please. Don’t. Kill. Them.

Yes, you may respond in a snarky fashion to these questions.

Yes, you may ignore the phone calls and texts.

Yes, you should go enjoy a warm bath. Then call for help getting out.

Lastly, your baby will be here soon. Though I know soon is not soon enough. Believe me, I sympathize!

On November 1, 2013 around 4:00 am I awoke from my last good night of sleep for awhile to contractions. Excitedly I thought that I was in labor (Iwas due on the 13th). I began tracking my contractions with a handy dandy app. They progressed to being a minute long and five minutes apart. This lasted for 15 minutes, which became 30 minutes, and then 45 minutes. You expectant ladies know what this means…I was close to hitting 5:1:1 and ready to call the doctor. Around 10:30 or 11:00 the contractions stopped! Yup, stopped?! It was almost time to call the doctor and say I wasn’t coming for my 12:15 appointment, contractions aren’t suppose to stop!

At 12:15 I went for my 38 week appointment. My doctor and nurse were impressed that I was able to so easily track my contractions with my handy dandy app. Based on the data provided and how things looked, they thought my sweet girl was about to make her debut. Just to be safe I scheduled my 39 week appointment, but we all were certain I wouldn’t need the appointment.

On November 8, 2013 at 12:30 I was back at my doctor’s off…and not that excited. It had been a week of broken sleep and shattered hopes. I was STILL pregnant and continued getting to 45 or 50 minutes of my contractions being a minute long and five minutes apart only to have my contractions stop. My doctor and nurse were shocked to see me, but certain the end of pregnancy was near. To help move things along my doctor stripped my membranes and sent me on my way… to have a baby soon.

On November 13, 2013 at 2:15 I arrived for my 40 week appointment… on my due date. At this point I was thoroughly done with being pregnant,tired of shattered hopes from the contractions stopping, and DONE with being asked if the baby had arrived. My doctor and nurse couldn’t believe I was still pregnant and plans needed to be made. By next week I would be 41 weeks and induction was a distinct possibility. Induction was NOT what I wanted to happen. BUT, we were hitting the period of time where it was getting dangerous for my sweet baby to stay all cozy in my uterus. I wanted to let things progress naturally so that I could have the birth I wanted, but I wanted my daughter to be safe. We decided to strip my membranes AGAIN. Next week we’d figure out a plan.

On November 14, 2013 I was done with the questions about the baby’s arrival. I was so done with not sleeping because of contractions. I was done with putting on a happy face for everyone else, no matter how well meaning they were trying to be. I sent the moms (my mom, stepmom, and mother-in-law) a text saying I had turned off Facebook. I was also no longer talking to anyone besides my husband or them until the baby arrived. I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t say anything mean and regrettable, but I did feel better. That night Z and I went for a nice walk and I was ready to wait this girl out.

Dear Stay-at-Home Mama

Dear Stay-at-Home Mama,
You inspire me.

You have chosen to spend each of your days caring for your little ones. Day in and day out and around the clock you care for your precious littles. You have sacrificed moving up the career ladder to spend your days with your child(ren). You spend more time carrying conversations with little people than adults. You know how to pinch a penny and make the most of a budget, to ensure your family has what it needs on one salary. You never get a break because your children are used to having you nearby all the time.

And these (among other things) are things I didn’t think I could do. I’m sure I could do some of this, but I honestly don’t know that I’d want to. As a stay-at-home mama, you have one of the hardest jobs I can imagine. You are ALWAYS being watched by your child(ren) to see how they should act or behave or talk. You make many sacrifices on the little pleasures to keep your budget in check. Let’s be real, I really like getting that latte when I’ve had a rough morning with the little one or at work. I also like having a “break” from my daughter while I go to work.

Some may think I’m crazy for admitting these things, but there are reasons behind it all. I didn’t feel that I was in a place in my career that I could afford the time away from the workforce. Some careers are just easier to come back to after an extended break. I’ve worked with kids for years. But I know that an entire day of mostly talking to kids does a number on me. I need more mental stimulation than conversations and stories with a toddler can provide. I also believe that my time away at work makes me better when I am with my little girl.

Do I ever doubt my decision to not stay at home? Yes!

Do I wish that I could stay home? Sometimes, but not all the time.

Do I enjoy working and juggling motherhood? Sometimes, it’s a lot to manage.

All this said, being a mama is tough. Whether you stay home or work away from the home, we are all mamas and need to support each other. We are all trying to juggle a lot. Stay-at-home mama, I’m sure you need a break sometimes, because you never really get one. What would be the best way to support you?

The Challenge…

We all have different abilities. Some are great at math, some are great at fixing things, some are great cooks, and I’m none of those things. I do love learning languages and I’ve spent most of my life working with our youngest members of society from the ages of 0 to 18. I’m exceptionally fond of working with itsy bitsy babies, preschoolers, and teens. On the flip side, in my years of working at a local preschool, I would generally try to avoid those between the ages 16 to 36 months.

Those little people I like to avoid are also known as:

These little people are brilliant. They are little explorers, learning and discovering the world around them. They are learning how to be people. They are learning how to be independent. They are also learning how to push the limits of our sanity. These little geniuses drive me absolutely MAD with their limit pushing.

People, I’m going to be really honest with you. But I’ll warn you that I’ve had friends look at me like I have three heads and fifty eyes for saying this. I don’t really like toddlers, and I’m currently the mother to a toddler. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore my toddler. But I don’t always like the behavior of this little person. Yeah I know toddlers are great in many ways! They’re growing and learning so much every day, and we ge to be a part of it as parents. It’s a privilege, and we get to watch them go through this process, but it’s also maddening along the way!

In recent months I stumbled upon this post about surviving the “terrible twos,” and now I’m love with the Danes. They don’t refer to this period of time as the “terrible twos,” or anything like that but as the “boundary stage.” This couldn’t be more accurate, as these little people are constantly working to understand the what boundaries exist around them. My precious toddler isn’t a psychopath, she’s just exploring another boundary!

Now don’t you dare think I’m healed of my toddler anxiety and frustration. I still have A LOT of work to do. I do plan to share with you more on how I’m managing this and resources I’ve found along the way. And if you have great resources, please share them, as I could use them too! Please know you are not alone in this toddler struggle, I’m in the thick of it with you!

Working Mama

Dear Working Mama,

You are doing a great job! I know that it doesn’t always feel that way, especially when the guilt kicks in. Our list of worries, laments, and feelings can vary for each of us (in no particular order):

You wonder if you should be a stay-at-home mom, because it’s better for your child(re).
You lament that you’re missing out on things during the day/evening (depending on your work schedule) when someone else is with your child.
You forget to send in the needed things to daycare/preschool/the babysitter, because your mind is torn in fifty billion directions.
You feel guilty that you enjoy the break from your child(ren) while you’re at work.
You feel guilty that you’re distracted at work thinking about your little ones, making you not the top notch employee you once were.
You plot ways to be able to stay at home, but realize you can’t afford to do it. Now you wish you would have planned and saved better.
You feel overworked, underpaid, and unable to finish your to-do lists.

This list could keep running on, just as the depth of our guilt, insecurities, and fears. The judgment from other moms and women don’t help these feelings either. I’m here to tell you that you are awesome. No matter what the internal or external dialogue is telling you, you are doing a great job.

Your list of accomplishments are also great:

You are fierce at slashing things off a to-do list (whether or not all fifty billion things come off).
You can juggle a purse, work bag, diaper bag, and baby up one flight of stairs and down another.
The depth of your love for yourself, child(ren), and your work is impressive.
You are a great role model for your child(ren).
You are a strong woman.
You know how to plan for what you and your family needs.

This list could keep running on, because you are great at what you do.
Mama look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful and GREAT at what you do. When you see a working mama, tell her she’s doing a good job. She needs to hear from her village that she is enough and that she is accomplishing more than she knows. Trust me, she really needs to hear this from you, as you may be the only person telling her.

Parenting

Friends,
It’s been a LONG time since I last wrote a post , and I’ve been really inconsistent about posting since I started HebrewDawn. I’ve realized that I need to get back on the posting wagon, especially so I can share some things that have been weighing on my heart.

I’m going to be really honest with you. Becoming a mama to VHP is the best thing I have ever done, while being the hardest thing at the same time. It feels like everyone wants to tell you how beautiful and magical it is, without telling you the other side of the story. It’s like they’re afraid they’ll scare you away from this beautiful and magical journey called motherhood. Yes motherhood is beautiful and full of many magical moments, but it is also messy and has its tearful moments.

I’ve been in the business of babies, preschoolers, children, and teens for over twenties years now. Many folks in my family said I would be great at this motherhood thing and wouldn’t need help. Guess what? I don’t have lots of questions on what do or how to do things, but I DO need help and do have questions from time to time. Every single one of us on this journey of motherhood (fatherhood for you dads), needs help! It takes a village to raise a child. That village can look very different for every single one of us, but we all need our village. Society is focused on having us say, “I can do it” or “I’ve got it covered” or “I can do this by myself!” But all of that isn’t true. We are built for community, and we need to say “I can do it, but I need you by my side on this path.”

It’s my hope to share some honest stories about this journey of being a mama, and how I am trying to manage it. I also plan to share other stories on being a wife, balancing work + life, and other various things. I hope you’ll join me for the ride and poke me if I’m not posting enough.

Starting Again

It has been quite some time since I was last on here!

A LOT has happened! When I started this blog I was documenting my foot issues. So, I’ve recovered from two foot surgeries, one for a bunionectomy and torn ligament on my left foot and a right double bunionectomy (Austin and Tailor’s). I then recovered from other foot issues (neuromas and capsulitis), and got my feet healthy so Z and I could start a family.

And now we have started our sweet family with the birth of our sweet VHP:

Starting in eleven short days, I begin a new adventure…juggling being a wife, a mom, going back to work, being okay with working while someone else watches my little girl. Thankfully the someone else is the people that I love a whole heck of a lot…my mother, my mother-in-law, and my best friend C. What makes this even better is that when my mom and mother-in-law watch the baby to be at the house. So even though I’m working I’ll still get to see my little girl some throughout the day! Then when my best friend watches VHP she’ll be just a few minutes away and hanging out with het BFF C’s little girl
The reality of going back to work hit me yesterday, and I’m working on coming to grips with this change. But in the midst of this adjustment I’m so thankful that even though I won’t be the primary caregiver, my little girl will be in good hands and I won’t miss out on everything since my office is at home!

I should probably end this post now as I’m starting to ramble. So I’ll close by saying that I don’t know if this will turn into full on mommy blog, but I do plan to share how I juggle being a wife, a mom, working for a non-profit, volunteering at our church, and still having a life along the way. Here we go!

Surgery and 1 Week Post-Op

So a week ago today (Friday, February 4, 2010) was the surgery. I have to admit, I was sorta nervous about it…mainly because this was a first for me…having surgery that is.

Going into the surgery, the plan was for me to be under general anesthesia while Dr. Shadbolt performed an Austin Bunionectomy, and in the process figured out if there was something else causing additional pain (hypothesis was cartilage damage).

Here’s a surgical animation showing what would be done to my left foot:

Details of the Big Day: I arrived at the hospital bright and early at 8:30, checked in, and was called back to pre-op around 9:00. The nurses were really great, made me feel completely comfortable and at ease with all that was going to happen. The anesthesiologist arrived just in time to distract me while the nurse was putting in the IV needle (I’m not a fan of needles) and to give me the run down of things on his end. Not to long after that the nurses that would be in the operating came over to introduce themselves, and then Dr. Shadbolt came over to run things over with me as well. Went into surgery promptly at 10:30 as scheduled. I remember going into the operating room, getting onto the operating table, everyone greeting me, being strapped down, and then I was out. Woke up in the recovery area around 11:30 or 12:00, not quite sure…because everything was a little fuzzy. Suprisingly enough, I was home from the hospital and situated in the living room by 1:45!

Results of the surgery: As soon as Dr. Shadbolt began surgery, he found the problem…a torn ligament. He snipped it out and sewed some of the surrounding tissue together to take the place of the ligament and support the bones. After that he completed the bunionectomy, and it all went well. He told Zach that it looked like a hereditary bunion, not due to my shoes, and hopefully I wtouldn’t need surgery on my right foot anytime soon. *Here’s hoping & praying that that’s the case!*

First Follow-Up Appointment: This past Wednesday (Feburary 9th) was an appointment to change the dressing and make sure there was no infection. Had an x-ray of the foot taken, and everything looked good…could barely see where Dr. Shadbolt had even cut the bone! Wahoo! When it came time to change the dressing, everything looked good…no extra bleeding and no infection! At the end of the appointment I was told that I no longer had to use the crutches and that I could just walk with the surgical shoe (that things is weird!), and shower with the shower safe! They warned me to take it easy, because every time you walk on it it’s going to swell…so really to only walk if I had to.

The Past Few Days: Over the course of the week I’ve been able to cut back on the pain meds…stopped taking the hydrocone Monday night, switched to aleve Tuesday, and not always feeling like I need it. This is not to say that I haven’t been taking the aleve, because I have. There are times that it does hurt, and I do need to take it. It’s been really awesome to be able to shower…albeit slow and challenging to not put weight on the front of my foot. It’s been nice to not have to use the crutches…but I move much slower without them.

A couple steps back: The past couple of nights have been rough….huge spikes in pain in the middle of the night. Last night was by far the worst. I woke up at 1 am, with pain shooting through my foot. By 2 am Zach was kind enough to go get the hydrocodone and some water for me to take a stronger pain med, since the aleve wasn’t cutting it. After awhile, the meds kicked in and I was able to get a good night of sleep. Talked with Dr. Shadbolt today, and found out that the pain at night was normal. It’s especially common if you’ve been on it a lot, which I haven’t. So, the recommendation…take the hydrocodone before bed to help me sleep pain free, and use the crutches again. *sigh* I’ll do what I have to, if this keeps things from hurting.

Second follow-up appointment this coming Wednesday…and hopefully things will only continue to get better!