Mommy Friends

Do you have any mommy friends? Before having my daughter I always thought it was funny to think about needing or wanting mommy specific friends. When I was expecting my daughter I thought I had the mommy friend category covered. My best friend from high school was expecting and had a little girl five weeks before me. Another friend from church was expecting a little girl a few weeks after me. I also had other friends and family that had babies in recent years before me. Little did I know how much I would in fact NEED mommy friends.

Over time I realized that I and the rest of us in mommy land need these friends for navigating life, body, and mental well-being post childbirth. I believe it’s really important to have some of these mommy friends have children the same age as your own child, some that have older children, and some that have younger children. These friends help you realize you’re not alone, because they’re going through almost the exact same thing right now. They let you know you’re not crazy or imagining things, and that what you’re experiencing is normal because they’ve been there. And you get to be that word of encouragement to another mom, and prove to yourself that you’re not as clueless as you think. These mommy friends with kids of varying ages push us all along and encourage us in a myriad of ways.

Over time I have also learned that it’s great to have mommy friends that aren’t exactly like you. What I mean is that you don’t have to have the same parenting styles or viewpoint, because you cannot and will not see eye to eye with everybody. These varying perspectives challenge us to think critically and articulate why it is we believe what we do. These friends with different parenting ideas expand our horizons and help explore new ideas that hadn’t been considered. In the thick of motherhood we need each other.

Now I know that not everyone has made or found that perfect mommy friend. Communities of faith or a trip to your local park can be a nice place to start. The Internet can also be wonderful place too. It took me months to find a local Facebook group of moms with kids the same age as my own (give or take 12-18 months). It took even longer to find a local cloth diapering and baby wearing group. Many of these moms are ladies I have never met, rarely see, or are women I wish I had the chance to see more often. Regardless of those factors, they have been a great source of guidance, encouragement, and comraderie on this motherhood journey. I’ve learned that these online groups can lead to great playgroups and friendships offline too!

We’ve all heard, know, or experienced the awkwardness of making these mommy friends. But I’ll make you this challenge, if you can send that friend request to the girl or guy you haven’t talked to since high school or college, I think you can make the attempt at the mommy friend request. What’s the worst they could say….yes, may be, or no? For all you know, may be they’re just to afraid to ask you first. However you make your mommy friends, I hope that you make them.

Dear Working Mama

Dear Working Mama,

You are balancing a lot, and the pressure to get it all done can feel insurmountable. It may seem that all the other mamas out there are getting it all done and still managing to look put together. I can’t speak for everyone else, but looks can be deceiving. I’ve said it before, but the to do list is never quite done and something has to give. Over time I have learned that there are two important things that help me get through it all and maintain my sanity.

The first thing I need more than anything is waking up before my family. As much as I’d love to sleep in or stay in bed reading, it’s not what helps me get my day going smoothly. Ideally I should wake up 30 to 60 minutes before my family, and most days it’s unfortunately closer to 30. Having that time to myself to get ready without my daughter pulling on me or “helping” me get ready is almost magical. It’s a great feeling to be ready for the day before my husband or daughter begin to stir. Any curves that may come my way are now much easier to dodge.

Next and most important thing I need is grace. Grace that I give myself and above all the grace of God. Each and every day I can be so hard on myself, but I remind myself that I’m loved and forgiven. This reminder is easier to find when I take time to read scripture and pray to start my day. It’s really easy to not make time for God, but when I do my day goes SO MUCH SMOOTHER. Lately, I even spend this quiet time win God before doing my make-up. I know that sounds crazy, but that time has become crucial for me.
What makes your day go by smoother may be different, but these two things have been game changers for me. You might not be able to do it all, but take time to figure out what will sustain you through what you can get done. I hope that no matter what you do give yourself grace.

Love,

A mama paddling along next to you

This post is part of a blog hop from Blogs & Business. Check out some of the other awesome blogs participating:

Dear Breastfeeding Mama

Dear Mama Breastfeeding with a Newborn,

Please do not forget to take care of yourself! You have worked hard for months to grow this sweet baby in your womb AND to bring this fresh baby into the world. You deserve to take time to care for yourself too. I mentioned in my baby registery post last week a couple items needed for taking care of the breastfeeding mama, but I didn’t get into all of them. It takes the sisterhood of motherhood to learn how to care for ourselves and our little ones. I’m thankful for the other moms who shared these tips with me, and I hope you find these tips helpful too.

If you have not started using nipple cream after each nursing or pumping session, start using it EVERY SINGLE TIME. Don’t wait until your nipples hurt. After a few days your nipples will hurt and you may question why you’re feeding this demanding child all the time. Don’t let this pain scare you, because this discomfort will pass SOON.
Go make or have someone make you a couple cups of tea and enjoy them.Place the tea bags on a plate and put them in the fridge for an hour or so ( until they’re nice and cold). Place the tea bags on your nipples and allow them to sooth your discomfort. The tannins in the tea help to alleviate the discomfort you may feel in the early days of breastfeeding.
It’s okay to live in nursing tanks! Throughout my maternity leave (and after returning to work), I paired these with a cardigan for home. If I left the house I’d another shirt and I was set for nursing on the go. I could pull the shirt up, pop open the nursing tank and have the cardigan to provide privacy on the sides. Over time it got easier to nurse discretely without even using a nursing cover.
Know that nursing sleep bras are worth the money! They keep ~~the nursing pads in place~~ you from leaking breast milk all over you and your bed. They’re easier to use when you ~~wake up~~ are woken up by a hungry baby to nurse.
Keep nursing every few hours to keep your milk supply up, but know that it gets easier. Eventually my daughter had enough head and neck control that I could nurse on my side. Which meant, I laid in bed while half asleep and my little girl did all the work. #winning
The laundry, dishes, and cleaning can wait. Anybody can wash and clean up, but you need to heal and bond with your baby.
Know that you are not crazy to have your emotions swing from high to low and all over the place. It takes time after having a baby for your hormones to get in balance. So go laugh, cry, and feel all the feels.
Say yes to offers for help. because they want to help you. You can try and do it all, but you don’t have to do it all.
Ask for help. If people are not offering you the help you need, ask for it. Sometimes people just do not know what to do, but are happy to do it if you ask.
People will want to come see you and your new baby, but you don’t have to say yes. Saying not right now is an acceptable answer.

Don’t forget about you in the midst of all the diapers, feeding, and bathing. Your self care is critical to healing, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Newborns are sweet and cuddly, but they are also a lot of work. You will be overcome with love for this tiny person in your arms and wonder if you’re doing it right. Know that you ARE doing a great job mama! Reach out to your fellow mom friends for support. If you do not have mom friends yet, know that this mama right here is here to support you too. Feel free to send me a note here you need it.

Love,

a mom who’s been there before too

This post has also been featured on the linkup hosted by a hopeful HOOD and Through for by

More Baby Registry Must Haves

Welcome back! Today I’m covering more of our baby registry favorites! You can read part one of my baby registry must haves here, where I share our nursery and on the go favorites. Figuring out all the things you need can be overwhelming, but I hope in sharing what’s worked for us that it will help you! Below I’ve tried to list quantities, to give you an idea of how much you’ll really need. Keep in mind babies do not need layer upon layer of clothing and blankets, dress them how you will be comfortable. I do list having multiples of certain items only because accidents happen, and it’s always nice to have a backup. Happy ~~shopping~~ registering!

Diaper Bag

This little thing should have been shared last week, so I’m sorry for leaving it off. This bag serves so many purposes, goes some many places, and deserves more attention than it usually gets. Think of a diaper bag like a good purse, go for the good quality bag! From my personal use, I highly recommend the Skip Hop diaper bags. Note of caution, many stores carry skip hop in store, but it tends to be the cheaper ones ($30 price range), not the well made ones ($55+). We have this diaper bag in a different pattern, which is well thought out storage pockets and amenities. One great feature of the bag are the small straps that connect to the main strap for hooking to the stroller. These keep it from taking up needed room in your stroller basket or hitting you in the legs. I will add that as our daughter grew, we realized a larger bag can be nice to have too. Reason being that her clothes took up more room, she needed more things for entertainment and cloth diapers take up more room than disposables. We later bought this bag in black from Land’s End. This bag has great storage pockets and is great for longer days out. I Unfortunately it they have discontinued it, but I really hope they bring it back with an added long strap. In the end we still love her Skip Hop the most, because we can wear it like a cross body bag, and attach it more easily to the stroller.

Clothing

I firmly believe it’s best to keep things as simple as possible. Register for the things you need, because people will buy you lots of cute outfits, so don’t feel like you have register for the cute things unless there something you just have to have. Register for items in all sizes from newborn to 12 months. People are great about buying for you items in those early sizes, but seem to forget that these sweet little loves grow rather quickly.

4 Gowns – are perfect for the newborn stage whether you have a boy or a girl. They make diaper changes so much easier keeping you from having to deal with all those snaps, especially at night.

8-10 Zip-up Sleep & Plays – are essential when you’re not leaving them in a plain onesie or dressing them up in something cute for going out.
3-4 Short-Sleeve White Onesies – are great alone or layard if the weather is cold. This is another great option for getting a variety of sizes in one set..
3-4 Long-Sleeve White Onesies – are great alone, especially when swaddled. Also great when paired with pants or leggings.
2-4 Comfy Cozy Pants – are great when babies aren’t getting all swaddled up and perfect for when they’re on the move. Jeans are cute, but aren’t necessary until they’re much bigger.
2-4 Leggings – for my little girl, I have loved leggings in all sizes. Easy to put on and they match almost anything. I almost always have at least two pairs in black with some other colors mixed in. I discovered Carter’s leggings late in the game, but they’re not a fast favorite for their quality and length.
4-5 Packs of Baby Hangers – I have found it’s nice to have plenty off hangers. I like having the next couple sizes in the closet to see what we have and what we still need to get.

Hats – I didn’t register for any, and I’m glad for that. The best hat will be the one(s) the hospital gives you. I don’t know why, but they just work and stay on soooo much better. I never used the others ones gives to us unless it was the thick winter style for going out somewhere.
LOTS of Socks – babies are masters at getting these bad boys off ALL THE TIME. Make sure to have at 10-12 socks in each size, because you’ll always be on the hunt for a pair or a lost sock.
Laundry Detergent – to save you money, you don’t have to use the specialty baby laundry detergent if you buy free and clear of most any brands. We have been using free and clear for quite some time for my husband and we learned it’s perfectly fine for babies. Plus the free and clear is a lot cheaper than specialty stuff.

Bathing

washpod_1 — **Prince Lionheart Wash Pod**

Now that you have baby dressed, you also have to keep them clean! Through trial and error, plus sensitive baby skin, we slowly figured out the best items.

4 Towels – People will give you an obscene amount of towels. I’m not sure why people feel the need to do this, but I guess they just think you will have a really stinky/dirty baby. We were gifted the swaddle design ones and they were definitely our favorite. They’re super soft and really absorbent. I wish they made an adult towel!

Washcloths – Like towels, people like to give you a lot of washcloths, but not as much as towels. For bathtime our favorite are still the swaddle design ones, but for mealtime basic baby washcloths or regular washcloths work just as well.
Baby wash – The mustela two-in-one was what we used the most. Through my sister-in-law we learned that the Dove sensitive bar soap is great too. Those two products are all we used on our little one.
Lotion – we didn’t use lotion at first as some say it’s not recommended to use lotion on them as itty bitties. Our friend and pediatrician recommended using vaseline if there were any really dry spots. Once our daughter got older we started using this Aveeno baby lotion.
Tub – These are nice to have, but don’t feel like you have to get the most expensive one out there. We didn’t use this one, but definitely wish we had. I’ve heard GREAT things.

Blankets

9204_1-swaddle-muslin-silky-soft-pink-leaf-bead — **Aden + Anais Swaddle**

4-5 Swaddle Blankets – we registered for ones similar to these, but were gifted these. Both are great, but I dare say the later may be my favorites. The reason being is they have the best card that comes with them and attached tag that shows you how to do a perfect swaddle. Even with all my experience with babies, I was/still am the worst at swaddling. With that helpful tag, I could swaddle almost as well as my husband.
Receiving blankets – Not a major fan and we really didn’t use ours at all. I used one a couple times to help with tummy time (rolled up and stuck under Hana’s chest/arms), but I could have easily done it with my swaddle blankets by Aiden + Anais (which I LOVE…well almost as much as my swaddle designs swaddle blankets!!).
2 Velcro Swaddles – I highly recommend the Halo Sleepsack Swaddles and would suggest getting two of these in newborn and small. We tried these, but my daughter could always bust out of them. The great thing about the Halo ones, is that they are easy to securely swaddle your little one for a restful night of sleep. Plus, when junebug gets bigger, they can be used as wearable blanket not just a swaddle. I’m all for multi-use items!
2 Sleep Sacks – I recommend getting two in every single size. Our daughter stayed in these until she moved out of her crib. These are great for making sure they stay warm year round. The added bonus is they can’t climb out of the crib when wearing it too!

Breast/Bottle Feeding

4-8-oz-glass — **Dr. Brown’s Glass Bottles**

r. Brow

10-20 Burp Cloths – many folks use these, which work great for everyday use and are just what we used too. Our favorite “nice” burp cloths were these that were gift to us. People like to make and gift the cute styles, but the swaddle design ones worked the best in our experience.
8-10 Everyday Bibs – Having bibs that do not have the waterproof liner are almost a complete waste of time. Once your little one starts drooling, or if they spit-up a lot, the bib won’t do much without the waterproof liner.When you’re in the store, you’ll be able to feel the liner, and that’s the type you’ll want..
4-6 Nursing Tanks – You can’t forget to take care of yourself too! After coming home from the hospital and then pumping at work, these were the best. They’re great for pairing with another shirt and a cardigan for nursing on the go. If I was wearing that set-up, I didn’t feel exposed at all. I wore these and these all the time.
Breast Milk Storage Bags – You will need LOTS of these if you’re planning to pump. Tip I learned from a few people when freezing milk – lay bags flat in the freezer with as much air removed from the bag as possible. This way they take up less room to store and can be stacked and stored easier.
LOTS of Nursing Pads. I used these by Lansinoh the whole time I was nursing. I then tried to use the Target brand because they’re less expensive and that wasn’t the best decision. Turns out the Lansinoh stick better! As for the reusable kind, they’re a good idea in theory, but they’re not as absorbent. I wished they worked better, because I generally prefer usable over disposable. After I leaked through them onto my clothes multiple times, I was done.
2 Containers of Nipple Cream – This is a necessity from day one in the hospital. I used the lansinoh brand at first, but realized I liked the medela brand better. Then l I discovered this best nipple cream known to mama. Start using nipple cream from day one and don’t wait until it hurts. Also, it’s great to have a thing of cream with you on the go and wherever you primarily nurse/pump.
2-4 Bottle Brushes – Over time we have learned that we are big fans of the Oxo Tot products. They work great, are well made, and have you in mind as a parent.
Dishwasher Basket – This is an essential in our house! This is great for easily washing bottle parts, pacifiers, sippy cups and miscellaneous small things. We have this one, but honestly wish I registered for this one since it’s bigger..
8 Bottles – I’m a huge fan of the Dr. Brown’s bottles and know MANY families found that these work best. I would only get the 8 ounce bottles, as you can always put less but you can’t more in the 4 ounce bottles. Unfortunately for me, my daughter was not a fan of the Dr. B bottles. I think it may be because we opted for the glass, and she wanted to hold the bottle herself. She preferred the Medela bottles from my breastpump. So just know you may have to test things out to figure out what works for your baby, but Dr. Brown’s is usually a great place to start.

Big Kid Feeding

clr38-spacesaver-high-chair-gn-d-1 — **Fisher Price Space Saver**

The day will come around 6 months that your baby no longer needs just breast milk or formula. You’ve not hit the stage of having a baby in the early of stages of being their way to being a big kid!

Baby Led Weaning Book – I plan to write more about our experience with Baby Led Weaning, but I cannot recommend it enough. No need to buy or make baby food, but helping your baby learn to eat real food from the beginning. Our daughter has been a great eater, and we attribute this largely to BLW. With doing this, many of the baby items are not necessary.
Space Saver High Chair – This is great because it can fit on any chair, and takes up a lot less space than a standard high chair. Great thing about this too is that it serves as a booster seat once you no longer need the tray. Plus, it’s easy to take with you if you need it for dinner at the home of family or friends.
2 Bibs – The Baby Bjorn soft bib is hands down our favorite. Paired with our DIY towel bib, these two catch any food messes.
2 Training Plates – great for when your little one is mastering the art of using a fork and spoon.
2 Snack Cups – after trying these, we discovered the Oxo Tot snack cup and it revolutionized snack time on the go. The top screws on so your little one doesn’t pull the top off and has a handle making it easy to hold. AND it has a lid to prevent messes while in your diaper bag.
3-4 Utensil Sets – We loved these Skip Hop Zootensils because the handle was the perfect size for our daughter to hold and have a good grip.
4-6 Straw Cups – We have this one and this one. The first is our favorite because it’s free of plastic, but the later is a close second because it doesn’t leak. We started with sippy cups but wish we skipped them all together. Using a straw is a life skill, but sippy cups useage isn’t really necessary.

Diapering

Diapers – You’ll have to figure out what works best for you and your little one, but add them to your registry. We love using cloth diapers, but I understand if you prefer disposables. As far as brands go, I found the target brand diapers to be pretty good the first weeks home from the hospital until we switched to cloth.. They’re comparable to the pampers swaddlers and a LOT cheaper. When w needed to use disposables later on (traveling or battling a yeast infection) we used the seventh generation or the Honest Company because our daughter was allergic to everything else that wasn’t all cotton.
2-3 Changing Pad Covers – Any brand should work. My mother in law made ours, so I can’t give you a link to what we have.

I hope you found this list helpful. I’ll be back Wednesday to share the last of my registry favorites, such as the nice to have items and the items we didn’t know we needed. Next Monday, I’ll share some of my important items and ways to care for the postpartum and breastfeeding mama.

To Have or Not to Have Another Child

I wrote a couple of months ago about the question many of us get about having more kids, but never came right out said where I stood on the issue. I don’t know that the answer is a simple yes or no. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have said no or may be to more kids. 6 months ago the answer would be yes, no, and may be. Today the answer is more of a yes, than a may be or a no, because my husband and I would like for our daughter to have a sibling.

To me it’s funny to think that my answer would have been no or only may be to the question of having more kids. I have worked with children in some capacity for so long and have always loved babies and children. At one point in my life I wanted a houseful of kids, and dreamed having at least 3 or 4. Then came caring for myself after having a baby. I LOVE my daughter, and feel like motherhood with regards to her is going really well. It’s the caring for myself piece that I have struggled with in motherhood. It’s this caring for myself that makes me nervous about having more children.

I know what I could have done better for myself after having VHP, which was speak up about needing help. Don’t get me wrong, I did have some great help from family that I cherish still today. I also know that I should have spoken up for more help, because many folks figured I was fine when it came to caring for my daughter due to all my childcare experience (9 years in a preschools, 5.5 years as a nanny, and started babysitting 20 years ago). Little did they know, that even with experience, you still need a break and you still need help. I was good about sleeping when the baby slept, but sometimes it’s nice to sleep alone too. I know that I will be better at speaking up if we’re able to have another child.

To you other mamas out there that aren’t sure if you want another or that you’re ready for another one, know that you’re not alone. If you’re never ready, that’s okay too. You have to make the decision that is best for you and your family. I’m thankful to the other mamas who let me know it’s okay not to be ready right away too. I don’t know when we’ll have another one, but I do know that there is baby shaped hole in my heart now.

Getting It All Done

No matter where we are on this parenting journey, we all have a story to tell and MANY things on our to do list. At some point we get asked the well meaning question of…

Usually we respond with what do you mean? This question may be asked because you’re a stay-at-home-mom, the mother of multiples, work away from the home, or have children close together in age. Honestly, I could rattle on the reasons they’re asking, but I’m sure you’ve been there. I guess folks want to understand how we manage all the things on our ever growing to-do lists? May be they want to know how we keep our house appearing clean? I’m not always sure what the it is, but the question is always asked. I also know that I have been guilty of asking that very question, and for that I’m sorry.

Depending on the day, my answer may vary. I think that I get asked the question because I work away from the home and we stay busy as a family. The fact that we’re on the go a bunch isn’t something I would necessarily change, but I know that it comes at a cost. If someone were to ask me this week, my answer would be that I just don’t and can’t do it all.

Over time I’ve developed a schedule for getting things done. At home, I alternate what gets cleaned, rather than give up an entire Saturday or Sunday for cleaning the house. And sometimes, I just don’t get some things clean because I’d rather have fun with my family than have a spotless house. Other days I go on a rampage to get it all done. Don’t get me wrong, I love for my house to be tidy and clean all the time, but who’s got time to spend all of it cleaning?!

Next time you’re asked how do you do it, just know whomever is asking thinks you have it all together. Little do they know, you’re hanging on by a thread. That some nights you’re leaving the dishes in the sink until the following night. That the floors haven’t been mopped in ages. And you have no idea how you’re making it from one day to the next. Here’s to the easy days, the tough days, and the days better than we could have imagined!

Potty Training Why Must You Do This to Me?

many thanks to gratisography for the photo

For many parents, the time to start potty training is filled with joy for the day that diapers will be no more. For myself, it’s a period I dread. I’ve been a part of the team supporting child and their parents through the potty training process more times than I can name. I’ve cleaned up countless children, wiped up MANY floors, and done innumerable loads of laundry from “accidents” that may or may not have been an accident. No matter how you go about this process with a child I know that much of this is inevitable. Over time my thoughts on potty training has ebbed and flowed.

After watching many children succeed in learning to use the toilet and many have to go about it in their own way, I know that this process is not one size fits all. I’m also a firm believer that a child will not make the switch from diapers to the potty until they are good and ready. At times we can wonder if we’re crazy in what we’re thinking about on this parenting journey, but I really appreciated this post from Janet Lansbury affirming my inclination on why we shouldn’t potty train. I realize we can’t force a child to make the switch, but sometimes it’s hard to know when a child is good and ready.

My husband doesn’t get my potty training/toilet learning dread, as he thinks this is a great next step for our daughter. I’ve tried to explain what’s in our future and why I’m not wanting to rush this next stage, but I think seeing is believing. For the last several months, VHP has been showing more and more signs of potty training readiness. I’m really trying to follow her lead so that things can go as quickly, smoothly, and ~~painless~~ many loads of laundry free as possible.

Since thanksgiving, things have been even more potty focused in the Parker house. Around 12:00 on Thanksgiving day, I took VHP upstairs for a diaper change and she demanded no diaper. I asked if she needed to go potty, to which she responded yes. Took her and she did in fact pee a fair amount (not the first time this has happened mind you). After that she REFUSED to put a diaper on, so big girl panties it was. She did great through thanksgiving lunch (an early meal due to my brother having to work), and went potty again before nap. I did put a diaper on for nap time (much to her dismay), but it was right back to being in panties after that. Difference this time was that she would NOT use the potty. Well, during snack she decided she HAD to come sit with me. As anyone can guess, half way through snack she and I both had wet pants. We changed our clothes, finished snack and played for a bit. After snack we tried to potty again with no luck. Shortly thereafter my mom noticed VHP’s pants were wet AGAIN. Changed her clothes AGAIN which I know is normal for this process, but tiring nonetheless. Before long it was potty time again, VHP wouldn’t go, and not too long after that it was accident #3! I decided enough was enough, and back to the diapers she went (with much protestation)!

Over the next couple weeks VHP would use the potty some, but this past week it’s been different. She has started requesting to go potty, and really going more than usual. Saturday she used the potty more than soiling her diapers, and for that I was really excited. But then there was the after dinner diaper change incident in a public restroom. She was being cooperative through the diaper change, and all was well in our world. Then I asked if she needs to go potty, which is the normal diaper change question lately, and her response was yes. I’m getting ready to grab her and take her potty when I notice the changing pad is getting wet. She smiles. I tell her we don’t pee on the change on the changing table, to which she responds, “yeah, pee potty.” I affirm this and clean up the new mess on our hands. VHP keeps giggling and declares, “its’s funny!”

Sigh, have I mentioned I dread potty training?!

I’m hoping this whole process goes well, but I’m feeling quite skeptical. Tips for what has worked for you? Guidance on what hasn’t worked? Stories to share on the ~~challenges~~ JOY of switching from diapers to using the potty?

Importance of Being with You

Almost every Sunday at 10:15 am, my heart is overflowing with gratefulness. This overflow is in response to a God that is so good, and for a community that my family is blessed to be a part of. I know that for many church may not be where you find community, but it’s a great place to find it. Each week my daughter is excited to walk through the doors, to see the people she loves, to sing, take communion, and play with her friends. It’s through being in community with these great people that my heart is full of joy each week.

Community is what nurtures us in the good times, lifts us up when times are tough, and journeys alongside us through the mundane. Most weeks can seem commonplace, but I’m learning eachweek something special is happening for my daughter. Recently I’ve noticed that VHP is learning and understanding what it means to worship. Most of the time, she remains for most if not all of the service. Typically we bring a few activities (coloring, non-noise making toys, etc.) to keep her noise-level down during the quieter times of the service (sermons in particular). Honestly, it has taken the patience of those around her (my husband and I included), but also the words of encouragement from other people. They let us know that they enjoy seeing her in worship, hearing her little voice participate in the service, and they know what it’s like to have a little on in worship. Our littler person now LOVES to pass the peace (greet those around us and shake hands). She loves to sing and dancing to the music. She loves to go forward for the children’s message, learn from watching the big kids. And she longs for the moment we go forward to take communion.

If it weren’t for this community, my daughter would not have had the opportunity to play with some of her favorite friends on a Saturday morning of this week. If it weren’t for this community, my daughter would not have had the opportunity to explore the Christmas story, act it out, and attempt to be a one lady Christmas pageant. If it weren’t for this community, two year olds would simply be other toddlers in worship rather than having something special to do on Christmas pageant Sunday. If it weren’t for this community, I would not have met my husband. If it weren’t for this community, I would not have some of the friendships that make adulting better.I recognize that not everyone has this kind of community, and may long for this. I also know that community can be different for everyone, in particular church may not be where you find it. What I would encourage each of us, is to find community where you are and to help create it around you. Life is better spent with other people, supporting and encouraging one another. It was once shared with me, that the Chinese characer for person represents two people supporting each other. I believe that this imagery is VERY fitting, whether or not it is true. We live in a society that likes us to think it’s better to do it all ourselves, and to pride ourselves how independent we can be. That’s great and all, but being together is where I’d rather be.

Suburban Hippie: Children are Expensive!

I remember being so excited about expecting our first child, but then it hit me. Raising this child is going to be REALLY expensive! At this point in the game, the added expense of health insurance hadn’t sunk in. I was thinking about the impending cost of childcare, clothing, diapers, and feeding. I quickly came to the conclusion that I needed to find a way to cut costs. Enter in becoming a suburban hippie. By my definition, a suburban hippie is one who resides in the suburbs (though they may prefer living in the city) chooses to do some or all of the following cloth diaper, breastfeed, baby led wean, recycle, prefer locally grown produce, use cloth napkins/towels over disposables, and the like. I’ll explain further some of the reasons we have gone this route.

How did we end up in the suburbs? We found it was time to move from our old house (that’s a story for another day) which was a cute little 2 bedroom with one bathroom home that was just over 1300 square feet. For two people it was okay, but not great when both residents need the bathroom facilities, would like to watch different TV shows, or listen to different types of music. So when we were house hunting, we quickly learned we needed to pick a part of town first. We loved the idea of living in the city, but recognized that not all Richmond Public Schools are created equal, and would need to budget for private school. We also recognized that Chesterfield, Hanover, and Henrico County Public Schools are really good, so it seemed a little silly to PAY for private schools. I can share later on the house hunting adventures, but for now let’s end with we landed in the suburbs (we do love where we ended up, but may end up in the city we love later)!

Why did you choose to cloth diaper? I detailed that on my blog a couple weeks ago here, but let me add that I knew diapers were a baby necessity. No matter what, babies do not come out of the womb potty trained, and it takes times (some more than others) before it happens. I knew that I needed to begin thinking about a way to make this more affordable. Thankfully I had a couple of friends who had done it before, so it didn’t seem like such a crazy idea. Plus my friend K had this great resource she put together and shared with another friend and I. It really helped me figure out where to begin on my search for the perfect cloth diapering system, and tips to share with other new to cloth friends. Have no fear everyone, I’m working on a resource of my own to share with you too!

Why did you choose to breastfeed? I’ll start with asking you a question before answering. Have you looked at the price of formula? Formula start around $25 or more a can, so I knew that that was one thing I did NOT want to add to my baby expense list. I’m sure that many of us have heard how great it is for your baby and for you to breastfeed, so I feel like I don’t need to even get on that soapbox. So yes I knew breastfeeding would be VERY healthy for my baby, but I also saw dollar signs for something that could be completely free. So free was much better in my book if I could successfully breastfeed, as I know that this isn’t possible for everyone.

Why did you choose to do baby led weaning? This was something I read about in the past, had thought I should look into more. The idea had fallen off my radar, so my husband and I were looking into making our own baby food. So we would know that our child was eating something healthy, no strange added ingredients, and much cheaper. But then my dad and stepmom’s friend gave me her copy of the book Baby Led Weaning and share how she started it with her second of three kids. It all just made so much more sense. Babies don’t need anything but breastmilk or formula for the first year, do not need anything other than formula or breastmilk before 6 months old, and they don’t need rice cereal. I’ll share more later about our experience with baby led weaning, but I’ll end with that I HIGHLY recommend considering this.

Why recycle and use cloth napkins/towels? Growing up many of us have been taught the importance of the three Rs: reduce, reuse, and recycle. It’s not always the easiest or most convenient habit to get into, but it’s really worth it. We only have one planet, so we really need to handle it with care. First R is for us to work on reducing how much we have in our homes. We are still working on this personally, and I’m sure all share about this in the future. Once you’ve reduced, you should work on the second R: reuse. We do this by using cloth napkins almost exclusively for meals (even when we have large groups over), hand towels, and limit our use of paper towels. Typically we will by only a six pack paper towels and this will last us a year or so. I have noticed that our paper towel use only spikes when we have folks over that are not accustomed to this. Now that you’ve got in the hang of the first two Rs, it’s time to add in the final R: recycle. Like many people, we implemented the third r last, but we are trying to be better about all three. Whatever we can do to help care for our planet and home is worth it. I’ll share more later about our cloth napkins, towels, and how we keep up with the extra laundry. I’ll end with this, we save plenty of money by using cloth napkins and towels, which adds up with all the other expenses.

What’s the big deal with local produce? For starters, it tastes so much better and often times it’s cheaper! When we have time to make it our local produce stand and farmers’ market we save the most, but that doesn’t always happen. By shopping locally, you help your local economy. By putting money into their pockets, they try to look out for you and keep their costs down so that you can keep more money in your pocket.

So yes, we have made some choices along the way that are not for everyone. In looking back, I honestly don’t regret the choices we’ve made. They have been good for our daughter, beneficial for our wallets, good for us, for our community and good for the planet. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

How about a little more holiday cheer?

Dear Pinterest Mom,

We are 23 days from Christmas, and I’m trying not to freak out about my to-do list. I know that you have this super cute to do list system that keeps you on track of the gifts you need to buy and make. Also, I really want to like you and be you, because I like to pin all your projects . BUT at the same time I really don’t want to like you. I’m not really sure how you find time to make all of your kids’ birthday presents, Christmas gifts, Easter baskets, and it’s-Wednesday-and-you-deserve-something-sweet gifts, because I barely have time to buy my kid her birthday and Christmas presents, let alone make sure she has something to collect Easte eggs and Halloween candy in by said holiday. I think it’s awesome you come up with these cool ideas, but please don’t make me feel guilty for not being able to make them too. Some days, it’s all I can do to get us out the door to work and school on time. I do want to thank you for the inspiration to do cool some cool projects and to try and be crafty. I did forget how much I do like doing crafty things when I have time, and you give me some awesome ideas.

Love,

Too Busy To Be a Pinterest Mom (but sorta wish I could be one)

Dear Not a Pinterest Mom,

We are 23 days from Christmas, and I’m trying not to freak out about all the things on our to do list. Let me just share, that amazon prime can be a godsend on days like these. MANY times (more than I’d like to count) my Christmas shopping happened because of Amazon prime. Typically the shopping frenzy happens 7-10 days before Christmas, and gifts are only selected for family if and only if it’s available prime. Don’t feel bad about buying each and every birthday present, Christmas gift, Easter basket, and random goodies for your kid, because there are great things already made by other people available. Pinterest can be such a great way for me to keep track of gif ideas, save recipes for later, and try to organize my random ideas. I have some great DIY boards, which have helped me my husband with a whopping ONE project. I sincerely hope I will find the time do some of these projects, but in the mean time pinterest is great for saving all my ideas. This year I’m excited to share that some great local stores (Franklin Goose, BBGB, and World of Mirth thus far) have my Christmas shopping business. But let’s also be real, I’ve been doing some great online shopping and amzon prime will be saving my tail AGAIN!

Love,

Too Busy To Be a Pinterest Mom (but sorta wish I could be one)

Dear Mamas,

Let’s not judge each other this holiday season. We all are trying to juggle a lot in making sure that the holidays are what we can make them be for ourselves, our children, and families. Let’s try to quiet the feelings of being inadequate because we didn’t make the gifts for our kids’ teachers, mail the perfect Christmas card, or provide the perfect gift. If you are that mom that likes doing these pinterest worthy gifts, projects, and treats, don’t feel bad about it either. Let’s cheer each other on, pick each other up, and more than anything STOP the mommy judgement. I challenge us to start with the holidays, and then we’ll tackle it again in the new year.

Love,

Your sister on this motherhood journey