Suburban Hippie: Children are Expensive!

I remember being so excited about expecting our first child, but then it hit me. Raising this child is going to be REALLY expensive! At this point in the game, the added expense of health insurance hadn’t sunk in. I was thinking about the impending cost of childcare, clothing, diapers, and feeding. I quickly came to the conclusion that I needed to find a way to cut costs. Enter in becoming a suburban hippie. By my definition, a suburban hippie is one who resides in the suburbs (though they may prefer living in the city) chooses to do some or all of the following cloth diaper, breastfeed, baby led wean, recycle, prefer locally grown produce, use cloth napkins/towels over disposables, and the like. I’ll explain further some of the reasons we have gone this route.

How did we end up in the suburbs? We found it was time to move from our old house (that’s a story for another day) which was a cute little 2 bedroom with one bathroom home that was just over 1300 square feet. For two people it was okay, but not great when both residents need the bathroom facilities, would like to watch different TV shows, or listen to different types of music. So when we were house hunting, we quickly learned we needed to pick a part of town first. We loved the idea of living in the city, but recognized that not all Richmond Public Schools are created equal, and would need to budget for private school. We also recognized that Chesterfield, Hanover, and Henrico County Public Schools are really good, so it seemed a little silly to PAY for private schools. I can share later on the house hunting adventures, but for now let’s end with we landed in the suburbs (we do love where we ended up, but may end up in the city we love later)!

Why did you choose to cloth diaper? I detailed that on my blog a couple weeks ago here, but let me add that I knew diapers were a baby necessity. No matter what, babies do not come out of the womb potty trained, and it takes times (some more than others) before it happens. I knew that I needed to begin thinking about a way to make this more affordable. Thankfully I had a couple of friends who had done it before, so it didn’t seem like such a crazy idea. Plus my friend K had this great resource she put together and shared with another friend and I. It really helped me figure out where to begin on my search for the perfect cloth diapering system, and tips to share with other new to cloth friends. Have no fear everyone, I’m working on a resource of my own to share with you too!

Why did you choose to breastfeed? I’ll start with asking you a question before answering. Have you looked at the price of formula? Formula start around $25 or more a can, so I knew that that was one thing I did NOT want to add to my baby expense list. I’m sure that many of us have heard how great it is for your baby and for you to breastfeed, so I feel like I don’t need to even get on that soapbox. So yes I knew breastfeeding would be VERY healthy for my baby, but I also saw dollar signs for something that could be completely free. So free was much better in my book if I could successfully breastfeed, as I know that this isn’t possible for everyone.

Why did you choose to do baby led weaning? This was something I read about in the past, had thought I should look into more. The idea had fallen off my radar, so my husband and I were looking into making our own baby food. So we would know that our child was eating something healthy, no strange added ingredients, and much cheaper. But then my dad and stepmom’s friend gave me her copy of the book Baby Led Weaning and share how she started it with her second of three kids. It all just made so much more sense. Babies don’t need anything but breastmilk or formula for the first year, do not need anything other than formula or breastmilk before 6 months old, and they don’t need rice cereal. I’ll share more later about our experience with baby led weaning, but I’ll end with that I HIGHLY recommend considering this.

Why recycle and use cloth napkins/towels? Growing up many of us have been taught the importance of the three Rs: reduce, reuse, and recycle. It’s not always the easiest or most convenient habit to get into, but it’s really worth it. We only have one planet, so we really need to handle it with care. First R is for us to work on reducing how much we have in our homes. We are still working on this personally, and I’m sure all share about this in the future. Once you’ve reduced, you should work on the second R: reuse. We do this by using cloth napkins almost exclusively for meals (even when we have large groups over), hand towels, and limit our use of paper towels. Typically we will by only a six pack paper towels and this will last us a year or so. I have noticed that our paper towel use only spikes when we have folks over that are not accustomed to this. Now that you’ve got in the hang of the first two Rs, it’s time to add in the final R: recycle. Like many people, we implemented the third r last, but we are trying to be better about all three. Whatever we can do to help care for our planet and home is worth it. I’ll share more later about our cloth napkins, towels, and how we keep up with the extra laundry. I’ll end with this, we save plenty of money by using cloth napkins and towels, which adds up with all the other expenses.

What’s the big deal with local produce? For starters, it tastes so much better and often times it’s cheaper! When we have time to make it our local produce stand and farmers’ market we save the most, but that doesn’t always happen. By shopping locally, you help your local economy. By putting money into their pockets, they try to look out for you and keep their costs down so that you can keep more money in your pocket.

So yes, we have made some choices along the way that are not for everyone. In looking back, I honestly don’t regret the choices we’ve made. They have been good for our daughter, beneficial for our wallets, good for us, for our community and good for the planet. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask!

Calling – Finding my home of faith

Today is Part II in my series on calling. If you missed last week’s post, check it out here.

Now, where were we…I took the plunge and visited D’s church. I was really skeptical about going, but I’m so glad that I did! I quickly learned that there were a couple people I knew from school there, and many other people that I was eager to get to know and they me. This was nothing like the sunday school experience at my dad’s church, or the Japanese church that my mom and I ran from over the summer.

Over the fall semester of my Junior year of high school I began attending D’s church regularly, and by November I signed up for my first youth retreat. I wasn’t sure what to expect, as this whole experience was really new to me. Yes, I had gone to church with family and friends growing up, but being a part of a church and going away on a trip with my church was another story. Thankfully some great folks in my youth group took me under their wings, I met some great people at the retreat, and my heart was opened in more ways to the grace and love of God.

Over the next two years I became very involved at the church, developed friendships that remain today, and came to love and adore our youth pastors, our children’s ministers, our pastor, and our pastor’s wife. To this day these individuals mean the world to me, and have helped me to be who I am today. By the start of college, I remember our youth pastor asking D, S, and I to lead a girls’ Bible study for our youth group. At first we all thought he was crazy for asking, but he was clearly on to something. Our youth group was growing, it had more girls than boys, and the girls needed the support of young ladies older than them. I personally didn’t think I was equipped to be a part of this leadership team, but yet again he knew what he was talking about. My faith grew through doing this, I was forced to study the Bible extra, learned a lot, and continue enjoying doing things just like this to this day.

Through college I remained involved at my church. I got baptized my junior of college, though I’m not sure what took me so long. I guess accepting being a member of the local church and church universal was something I didn’t take lightly. During college I also became very invovled in one of the campus ministries at VCU. Through this ministry, I was given the experience to lead more small groups, and grow deeper in my faith. It was also during this time that I also began to learn about my Japanese great-grandmother’s Christian faith. The story of her and her faith is for another day, but she is a woman who is a guide for me. At yet another retreat, big things happened in my life. During my fourth year of college (I took the five year path due to classes) that I accepted the call to go to seminary. I wasn’t sure all that this “yes” would have in store for me, but I knew the first step was to say “yes God”.

Deciding where to go to seminary wasn’t as hard as I expected, but I definitely didn’t go where I thought I would. My pastor went to Duke and encouraged me to consider going there. Everyone else on staff (or previously on staff) at my church went to Union Theological Seminary, whether it was to get their Master of Divinity or Master of Arts in Christian Edcuation. My dad also encouraged me to consider Union, because we had family that studied there as well. In typical Crystal fashion, I didn’t think Union would be the place for me, but I think it was due to the fact that that this was where the most people wanted me to go. Along this journey, I’ve also learned that God sure has a funny way of taking you places that you least expect.

Check back next week to ~~see~~ read what unfolds next…

How about a little more holiday cheer?

Dear Pinterest Mom,

We are 23 days from Christmas, and I’m trying not to freak out about my to-do list. I know that you have this super cute to do list system that keeps you on track of the gifts you need to buy and make. Also, I really want to like you and be you, because I like to pin all your projects . BUT at the same time I really don’t want to like you. I’m not really sure how you find time to make all of your kids’ birthday presents, Christmas gifts, Easter baskets, and it’s-Wednesday-and-you-deserve-something-sweet gifts, because I barely have time to buy my kid her birthday and Christmas presents, let alone make sure she has something to collect Easte eggs and Halloween candy in by said holiday. I think it’s awesome you come up with these cool ideas, but please don’t make me feel guilty for not being able to make them too. Some days, it’s all I can do to get us out the door to work and school on time. I do want to thank you for the inspiration to do cool some cool projects and to try and be crafty. I did forget how much I do like doing crafty things when I have time, and you give me some awesome ideas.

Love,

Too Busy To Be a Pinterest Mom (but sorta wish I could be one)

Dear Not a Pinterest Mom,

We are 23 days from Christmas, and I’m trying not to freak out about all the things on our to do list. Let me just share, that amazon prime can be a godsend on days like these. MANY times (more than I’d like to count) my Christmas shopping happened because of Amazon prime. Typically the shopping frenzy happens 7-10 days before Christmas, and gifts are only selected for family if and only if it’s available prime. Don’t feel bad about buying each and every birthday present, Christmas gift, Easter basket, and random goodies for your kid, because there are great things already made by other people available. Pinterest can be such a great way for me to keep track of gif ideas, save recipes for later, and try to organize my random ideas. I have some great DIY boards, which have helped me my husband with a whopping ONE project. I sincerely hope I will find the time do some of these projects, but in the mean time pinterest is great for saving all my ideas. This year I’m excited to share that some great local stores (Franklin Goose, BBGB, and World of Mirth thus far) have my Christmas shopping business. But let’s also be real, I’ve been doing some great online shopping and amzon prime will be saving my tail AGAIN!

Love,

Too Busy To Be a Pinterest Mom (but sorta wish I could be one)

Dear Mamas,

Let’s not judge each other this holiday season. We all are trying to juggle a lot in making sure that the holidays are what we can make them be for ourselves, our children, and families. Let’s try to quiet the feelings of being inadequate because we didn’t make the gifts for our kids’ teachers, mail the perfect Christmas card, or provide the perfect gift. If you are that mom that likes doing these pinterest worthy gifts, projects, and treats, don’t feel bad about it either. Let’s cheer each other on, pick each other up, and more than anything STOP the mommy judgement. I challenge us to start with the holidays, and then we’ll tackle it again in the new year.

Love,

Your sister on this motherhood journey

Why Would You Use Cloth Diaper?

This isn’t an uncommon question or wondering when people hear about folks using cloth diapers. It’s not uncommon for people to think it’s difficult and nasty to use cloth. It’s not uncommon for people to think that using disposable diapers are so much easier than cloth diapers. I’m here to tell you that there are a lot of reasons to use cloth diapers.

1. Cloth diapers are cheaper than disposables. Let’s look at the cost of disposables first. Let’s say you use Huggies or Target’s up & up brand diapers, which average out to $0.17 each. For the number of diapers used per day let’s say 10 diapers, because over the first several months you go through about 12 diapers a day, and progressively get down to 8 diapers. Most children in disposables don’t potty train until they are 2.5 or 3 years old, so we’ll go with 2.75 years of diapers (kids in cloth supposedly potty training earlier). That’s a total of $2,326.88 spent on 13,687 diapers over 3.75 years. My favorite All-In-One (AIO) diaper (I’ll explain types of diapers another day) is the Blueberry One Size Simplex which retails for $28.95. Since you need at least 12 diapers per day in the early months, it’s good to have 24 diapers for a total of $694.8. To go all in with cloth diapering, you’ll also need a few other things like 2 diaper pail liners $33, 2 wet bags for on the go $44, 30 cloth wipes $27, and a wipe warmer for $25, all bringing your total $823.80 on cloth diaper supplies. I don’t include the cost of wipe solution, laundry detergent, or water for doing the laundry, because I have seen that much of an increased cost for us.

2. Cloth diapers aren’t as smelly and gross as disposables. Having cared for many children in diapers over the years, I honestly believe my cloth diaper pail smells a whole lot LESS than a disposable diaper pail. Pee diapers don’t smell any worse with cloth, and I’d venture to say not a bad. There’s something in the absorption crystals of many disposables that create an off-putting scent. Poopy diapers get rinsed into the toilet, so the smell is gone and not lingering until the diaper pail is emptied.

3. Poopy diapers aren’t that bad to clean with cloth. We have a diaper sprayer attached to our toilet, so I don’t really have to get my hands dirty. I also know some parents will wear rubber kitchen gloves, so their hands never touch anything to get dirty. Poopy diapers have had no negative effects on my washing machine. Reason being is that they are rinsed into the toilet before going into the washing machine, get an intial rinse cyle, plus a full clean cycle, which all ensures my diapers and washing machine are fully clean when done.

4. Cloth diapers are better for the environment. It is estimated that it takes about 500 years for a disposable diaper to decompose in a landfill. Now, this is just an estimate, because disposables haven’t been around that long and no one has lived 500 years to observe the decomposition of disposable diapers. Cloth diapers generally have great re-sale value, making them great in the realm of the second of the three Rs (Reduce, Reuse, Recycle), and aren’t clogging up landfills.

5. Cloth diapers are so cute! I will say that the Honest Company has stepped up the cute factor of disposable diapers, and I have used them from time to time. But the variety of patters with cloth diapers is sooooo great! When my daughter was a newborn she had the cutest diaper with monkeys and owls. Now she has a cover with these adorable whales, an AIO with pretty flowers, and elephants. The best part of all is that these diapers are cute, and we get to use them over and over again.

I initially had us begin cloth diapering to save money, as I wanted as many ways as possible to make having a child not super expensive. I also had us use cloth because my husband and I were allergic to disposable diapers and had a feeling that our daughter would be too. In the end it turn out that my guess was correct, and she is sensitive to most every brand of disposables. Now that we’ve used cloth diapers for two years, I’m so glad that we have chosen to use cloth. It’s not that difficult, it’s saved us a lot of money, and it has been good for the environment.

Soon I’ll write a post about what we have tried when it comes to cloth diapers, what we’ve liked, what we haven’t liked, and how we’ve made cloth diapering work for us. If you have questions, feel free to ask and I’ll answer as best I can.

Have you considered using cloth diapers?

Calling: We All Have to Start Somewhere

Today begins a multi-week series about calling, my own to be specific, and I thank you for taking the journey with me. For each of us, faith is different even when it seems the same. My faith journey has had its twists and turns and continues to take me places I never expected.

I am very thankful for how my parents raised me in that I was able to experience two different faith traditions. My mom’s family was Buddhist (Nichiren Shoshu to be exact) and my dad’s Christian (United Methodist specifically). Neither parent ever forced me to attend worship services with them, but provided the opportunity if I so chose. I almost always went with them, and progressively chose the faith that was for me.

Through the later part of elementary school, middle school and the first part of high school, I would consider myself to be devoted to Buddhism. I would regluarly attend Kosen Rufu Gongyo with my mom if she was attending or I would go with another member of my family. If I were invited throughout this time to attend church with family and friends, I would still go, but it was definitely with some reservation. In seventh grade life science I recall being required to dissect a frog and refused to do it, due to my faith. Perhaps it was the middle school girl in me using it as an opportunity to not have to do what made me sick to my stomach, buuuuuuuuut that frog could be a reincarnated loved one.😉

By high school I began to question things more about my faith. I saw how terrible things would happen in the life of my family, friends, and myself and wondered why it would happen. When I would ask those in my life that were Buddhist, I consistently received the response that it was their karma or my own and that I should chant about it. So chant I did, and didn’t see much result. I also felt that it seemed kind of lonely being Buddhist. There was some vague universal understanding, but it didn’t seem that intimate. I began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was something to this whole God thing. I began to pray. Sometimes I’d see a change. Things didn’t always seem to have such negative outcomes. And things no longer seemed so lonely.

I had a good friend named D that I met in middle school. She always knew I was Buddhist, and although a Christian herself, she never judged me for my faith. She and I had some classes together, but one particular class provided us more time to chitchat near the end of sophomore year. I’d ask her questions about the Bible, God, what the big deal was with this whole Jesus character…and she’d kindly answer and guide me through my doubt. She always responded in a way that really resonated with me. As the school year wrapped up and we moved into summer, I began visiting churches. I checked out a Catholic Church with one set of friends and thought it was nice. I knew my great grandmother would LOVE my attending a Catholic Church (she was Irish Catholic), but I wasn’t sure this particular congregration was for me. I visited a United Methodist Church with my dad and stepmom, and thought it was nice enough, but wasn’t impressed with their high school Sunday School. I also visited a Baptist Church that had a Japanese congregation with my mom, but we never made it to the service. A lady from the American congregation was so rude to my mom we turned and left (story for another day). I began to wonder if I’d ever find a church that was right for me.

When school started back in the fall of my junior year of high school, I shared with D about my church “shopping” adventures. She immediately said she was sorry I’d had a less than stellar experience and invited me to her church. Here’s the thing…she attended a Korean-American church. I questioned whether or not the service would be in English, she said that they had a service geared towards high school and college students that was ONLY in English. I gave it some thought for a few weeks and finally decided to give it a chance. It didn’t take long for me this congregation to take me in as part of their church family.

Check back in next Friday to ~~hear~~ read more…

Giving thanks, and upping the posting…

Thank you for all the new followers here on HebrewDawn. Some of you are family, friends, friends of friends, and new internet friends. I’m happy to have you on this journey through life, my story, and wandering across the internet. Beginning this week, I’m hoping to up my post game by posting not just Monday and Wednesday, but Friday too! I’m learning that some routine can be helpful, and I’m starting to figure out what that routine looks like for me. I’m leaning towards it looking something along the lines of:

Monday – motherhood focused
Wednesday – will wander through a myriad of things and some of my favorite finds
Friday – some get to know me style posts

This Fridays I will start a series on calling. Some may know my story, but I have a feeling many may not. Check-in Friday to ~~hear~~ read the first part of the story. If you have questions, suggestions, or ideas along the way, be sure to leave me a comment and I’ll follow up!

Here are Some of my favorite things that I’ve stumbled upon on the ~~world wide web~~ internet (I’m not a complete nerd y’all!) this week. May the bring you some joy in the midst of the busyness!

Adele is the best! I so wish I was able to sing like one of these ladies.

Have you head of the new trend among some men? Personally I wonder, um, why? Some trends do not need to exist, especially for beards!

I can hardly believe we are a DAY away from Thanksgiving! Please don’t panic folks, you’re not the only one not prepared. I have yet to complete my shopping list, and I’ll join all of Richmond at the grocery store tomorrow. Rather than stress, let’s just enjoy this and sip some Chardonnaynay!

Pep talk for my friends with newborns. Hang in there, it does get better and better!

What are you all thankful for this week?

Do you want more kids?

So is this your only one? When are you going to have another one? How far apart do you want to have kids? Don’t you want a boy/girl too? How many kids are you going to have? They need to have a sibling! How much longer until your next one?

I’m sure you’ve experienced these questions before from family, friends, and strangers that you’ve encountered. I know that they mean well, and are excited to see your family grow. But my recurring thought is, um, could you please mind your business? I honestly don’t mean this in a rude way, but these are really loaded question to ask someone.

Speaking from my own experience and the stories from other moms that mean a lot to me, here are some things to consider…

May be they’re not ready to have another one, because postpartum depression was a doozy.
May be they’ve been desperately trying to conceive, and have been unable to have another.
May be they had a scary birth experience, and they’re afraid to experience it again.
May be they don’t want to have another child, because one child is all that they can afford.
May be they haven’t had another one yet, because they’re simply not ready.

Lastly, may be there are reasons that none of us ever considered. Let’s not open a wound that is raw, that cuts deeply, and love someone where they are. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, parenting is hard. It’s also full of great joy, but we all need support each other wherever we are in the journey. My husband and I experience these question from time to time, and sometimes we let some family members know what we’re thinking. Though we may answer these seemingly simple questions on occasion, we are cautious not to answer every single one, because I have my own list of concerns and worries…

What if we are not able to have another?
What if we conceive twins?
Can we handle another child financially?
What if I’m not ready?
What if my daughter isn’t ready?
What if we cannot afford childcare for another one?
What about my friends desperately trying to have children? What if we conceive before they do.

The what ifs can become overwhelming, just as the well meaning questions can be burdensome. So, rather than ask when another child is coming, let’s love the parent where they are on this journey AND the child that they ALREADY have!

Let me know, have you been asked these types of questions? If you’ve been asked, how have you responded?

My heart hurts

There is so much pain and suffering in the world, and my heart hurts.

In most of my professional life I have worked with our young members of society (birth to 18 years old). In most recent years, my work has primarily been with those in middle school and high school…born between 1997 – 2004. With the recent tragedy in Paris, bombing in Beirut, and air strikes on ISIS, and refusal to accept Syrian refugees, my heart is breaking for this generation.

These students were born in or on the cusp of a post-9/11 world. For the entirety (or close to) of their lives, our country has been at war. We’ve been told that we are waging a war on terror. But honestly, what does that even mean? Who is defining what or who that terror is.

I’m no longer concerned with the finger pointing of who is responsible or the cause. I want peace. I want my daughter to live in a different world from my students, and know a world not at war. I want love and dialogue to be the negotiation technique, rather than sanctions and air strikes. I want our men and women in the armed forces to be home with their loved ones rather than be deployed in more locations than we could possibly count.

My heart breaks for Paris, but more than anything it breaks for our world.

A powerful response by a husband for his wife killed in the Paris tragedy.

Two Years Ago…

Apologies in advance…this is a really long post.

Two years ago today, our friend came over to drop off some congratulatory Hardywood Gingerbread Stout to enjoy after our little girl arrived. Little did we know what the evening had in store for us.

Around 7:00 pm contractions started AGAIN. Since it had been two weeks since the contractions had begun their tortuous cycle (starting, getting my our hopes up, stopping), neither Z or I believed I was in labor. We continued hanging out with our friend and trying to pass the time until I would be in labor. Just like I had been, I would began rocking on my yoga ball or moving around to ease discomfort and keep labor progressing (in case this was really labor).

Before we all knew it, it was 8:30 pm and our friend had to leave to meet up with some other folks for the evening. Otherwise known as, hang out with other people who are not ~~married and anxiously awaiting their daughter’s arrival~~ boring. At this point contractions kept getting stronger…as I expected (and had dealt with for the last two weeks).

Around 9:30 pm we decided to head to Z’s man cave for a change of scenery. Z graciously carried my giant yoga ball upstairs. Contractions kept doing their thing, and getting progressively closer together and longer. Throughout the evening Z would rub my back and put pressure on my low back to help with the discomfort, and I would rock around on my yoga ball.

By 11:00 pm we were getting pretty confident that this was ACTUALLY LABOR. I told Z he should get a shower and some sleep. Who knew long he’d be waiting around at the hospital, and it would be better to be clean and well rested. I kept moving around or rocking on my yoga ball, because I knew it was better to labor as long as I could at home. If I was to have a chance at the medication-free and low-intervention birth I wanted, less time at the hospital was key

At 1:00 am I woke up Z because it was time to call the doctor! The contractions were FINALLY one minute long and five minutes apart for the last hour! The doctor on call, we shall call her Dr. T, turned out to be my sister-in-law’s doctor! We had joked that she would deliver our baby, because my doctor had delivered her baby 51 weeks prior! Doctor T was excited for us and said she’d call the hospital to let them know they may see us soon. She did warn me that she might not be the doctor we’d see at the hospital as her shift ended at 6:00 am, but we’d be in great hands with the next doctor, whom we’ll call Dr. J. Dr. T then instructed us to head to the hospital when we’re ready. What? When we’re ready? How was I supposed to know that? Dr. T assured me that I would know and wished me luck. After much assurance that I was fine and I wanted him to get the rest that I knew I could get, Z dozed off.

4:30 am I woke up Z to go to the hospital. The contractions were getting much stronger and I knew that soon a 16 minute drive to the hospital would be miserable. Being able to move around REALLY helped with discomfort. We started packing up and called the moms to let them know it was go time.

6:00 am we checked into the hospital and went up to our delivery room. Definitely took us some time to get there as I would need to stop, breath, and rock through the contractions. Got checked in by the nurses, and found I was 6 cm dilated. Only four more to go!

By 7:00 am my mom arrived, and I’m so glad that she did. Initially I thought I would only want it to be Z and I in the delivery room. Z was convinced it would be best to have my mom there, and boy was he right!

7:30 am I climbed into the hydrotherapy tub, which was AMAZING!!! After 30 or 45 minutes we decided it was time to get me moving again.

8:15 or 8:30 am I was robed up and ready for a walk around the halls. As soon as we walked out of the room I felt some water dribbling, which soon became a flood. MY WATER BROKE. My wonderful nurse and Dr. J checked me over and I was 8 cm dilated. Still had some progress to make before we were ready to push.

From this point on things are somewhat of a blur. I fought listening to the nurse about trying different positions to help labor progress. I survived transition. Then I made it to 10 cm and 100 % effaced.

Around 2:00 pm it was time to start pushing and I was EXHAUSTED. Through each contraction my nurse would hold one leg, Z would hold the other, and my mom would cheer me on and wipe my head with a cold cloth, and I would push with everything within me. After I was done pushing, I would collapse. The first time it happened, Z thought something was wrong and checked with the nurse. This cycle continued for the next 50 minutes.

2:45 pm It was time for one final push. Dr. J wasn’t in the room yet to deliver the baby. Our nurse tried to coach me through breathing to wait, but our little girl wasn’t waiting.

2:50 pm Our nurse kept her cool, guided the baby out, unwrapped the cord from her neck, and VHP made her debut. First thing she did was stare up at her daddy and stole his heart. Next they laid her on my chest, and life has never been the same.

Dear Expectant Mama

Dear Expectant Mama,

In case you weren’t aware or ready for YOUR pregnancy to be over, you are due to have your sweet baby any day or week now. Every friend, family member, co-worker, and stranger off the street would like to know when your little one will make their debut.

Of all people, wouldn’t you love to know?! Close behind you would be your beloved partner who is living with you and ~~dealing~~ supporting you through this (period of joyful expectation) waiting zone. In the meantime, I’m begging you… Please. Don’t. Kill. Them.

Yes, you may respond in a snarky fashion to these questions.

Yes, you may ignore the phone calls and texts.

Yes, you should go enjoy a warm bath. Then call for help getting out.

Lastly, your baby will be here soon. Though I know soon is not soon enough. Believe me, I sympathize!

On November 1, 2013 around 4:00 am I awoke from my last good night of sleep for awhile to contractions. Excitedly I thought that I was in labor (Iwas due on the 13th). I began tracking my contractions with a handy dandy app. They progressed to being a minute long and five minutes apart. This lasted for 15 minutes, which became 30 minutes, and then 45 minutes. You expectant ladies know what this means…I was close to hitting 5:1:1 and ready to call the doctor. Around 10:30 or 11:00 the contractions stopped! Yup, stopped?! It was almost time to call the doctor and say I wasn’t coming for my 12:15 appointment, contractions aren’t suppose to stop!

At 12:15 I went for my 38 week appointment. My doctor and nurse were impressed that I was able to so easily track my contractions with my handy dandy app. Based on the data provided and how things looked, they thought my sweet girl was about to make her debut. Just to be safe I scheduled my 39 week appointment, but we all were certain I wouldn’t need the appointment.

On November 8, 2013 at 12:30 I was back at my doctor’s off…and not that excited. It had been a week of broken sleep and shattered hopes. I was STILL pregnant and continued getting to 45 or 50 minutes of my contractions being a minute long and five minutes apart only to have my contractions stop. My doctor and nurse were shocked to see me, but certain the end of pregnancy was near. To help move things along my doctor stripped my membranes and sent me on my way… to have a baby soon.

On November 13, 2013 at 2:15 I arrived for my 40 week appointment… on my due date. At this point I was thoroughly done with being pregnant,tired of shattered hopes from the contractions stopping, and DONE with being asked if the baby had arrived. My doctor and nurse couldn’t believe I was still pregnant and plans needed to be made. By next week I would be 41 weeks and induction was a distinct possibility. Induction was NOT what I wanted to happen. BUT, we were hitting the period of time where it was getting dangerous for my sweet baby to stay all cozy in my uterus. I wanted to let things progress naturally so that I could have the birth I wanted, but I wanted my daughter to be safe. We decided to strip my membranes AGAIN. Next week we’d figure out a plan.

On November 14, 2013 I was done with the questions about the baby’s arrival. I was so done with not sleeping because of contractions. I was done with putting on a happy face for everyone else, no matter how well meaning they were trying to be. I sent the moms (my mom, stepmom, and mother-in-law) a text saying I had turned off Facebook. I was also no longer talking to anyone besides my husband or them until the baby arrived. I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t say anything mean and regrettable, but I did feel better. That night Z and I went for a nice walk and I was ready to wait this girl out.