Bittersweet

2024 is bringing some exciting news, but it is admittedly bittersweet news.
Before I dig into the news, let’s talk about Merriam-Webster’s definition of bittersweet:

bit·ter·sweet ˈbi-tər-ˌswēt (adjective)
: being at once bitter and sweet
especially: pleasant but including or marked by elements of suffering or regret
Merriam-Webster

Here’s the news…

On Sunday, January 14th the congregation of Providence Forge Presbyterian Church held a congregational meeting to call me as their next pastor. This is the video that was shared with them to get to know me better.
On Wednesday, January 17th the session of Salisbury Presbyterian Church and then the congregation received this letter:

Beloved Siblings in Christ at SPC,

It is with a sad but certain heart that I write this letter of resignation as your Associate Pastor for Christian Education and Discipleship at Salisbury Presbyterian Church, effective February 14, 2024. On Sunday, January 14th, the congregation of Providence Forge Presbyterian Church (near New Kent, Virginia) voted to call me as their next Pastor. The decision to transition to a new call has not been an easy one, but I believe it is guided by God’s divine plan for us all. As I embark on this new chapter, I carry the lessons learned, the bonds formed, and the spiritual richness gained from our time together.

It has truly been an honor and privilege to be one of your pastors over these past 2.5 years. You will forever have a special place in my heart as my first call, where we have been with one another through some of life’s greatest joys and deepest struggles. Together we have laughed and cried, worshiped and prayed, loved and served. Together we have celebrated births and grieved deaths, and walked together through life’s joys and trials. There is no way one letter can fully encapsulate the depths of my gratitude and my love for you.

Nor can this letter detail the depths of my love for the team here on staff, the session (past and present), and deacons (past and present). I am in awe of the people I have had the privilege of serving alongside, learning from, and growing because of their guidance. It has been a dream to work with this team, and I will miss each person fiercely. A special bit of thanks to Jim and to Nate, in whose great and capable hands I leave you. I’m so grateful for their patience, love, and servant hearts. They love you deeply, have loved me greatly, and I will miss serving alongside them here in this place.

It is my prayer that you will continue to be a place that welcomes all and delights in new ways to impact the church and the world. You have a gift for love and when it’s guided by God it will do remarkable things to transform the world. I pray that joy and nothing less finds you along the way. As surely as I believe that God is guiding me in this decision, I also believe that God will guide you in finding a new rhythm with Jim and Nate.

I am excited to discover what God has in store for me, but my heart breaks to leave those I love so dear. Boundaries in transitions are hard, but they are what allows for a smooth transition. In accordance with presbytery policy, I will observe a period of one year of no communication which includes social media. During this time, I encourage the congregation to embrace and engage with Jim and Nate in ways that you may not have already. I believe that this intentional time of disconnection from me will foster stronger relationships and enable a seamless transition. After this one-year period, I will not initiate communication. Please know that silence and lack of response during this time of disconnection is not out of animosity or lack of love, but out of an abundance of love for you to allow for a healthy transition for you with Jim and Nate, and for me with PFPC. I trust that the bonds we have formed will endure, and I am confident that our paths will cross again in the future.

In the coming weeks, I am committed to ensuring a smooth transition. I am open to discussing any details regarding the transition process and will do my best to assist in any way possible. My last day of service at SPC will be February 11, 2024 and I am more than willing to collaborate with you to ensure a seamless handover of responsibilities.

From now until February 11th, I will continue to pastor this church, engaging fully in the good and important ministry we have yet to do together and the hard but grace filled process of saying goodbye. I ask for your prayers and understanding as we all make this transition. Once again, thank you for the warmth and acceptance my family and I have experienced at SPC. I pray for continued blessings upon the church and its work both here and beyond.

Grace + Peace + Love,
Letter by Rev. Crystal Varner Parker to the Session, Deacons, Staff, and Congregation of Salisbury Presbyterian Church

The complicated feelings on pastoral transitions

The best word to describe how I am feeling is bittersweet. While I am unbelievably excited to be called to Providence Forge Presbyterian Church as their next pastor, I am deeply sad to leave all the people I love at Salisbury Presbyterian Church. Pastoral transitions are filled with so many mixed emotions for the pastor and their congregation. Excitement over what’s to come, and sadness of relationships ending. When a pastor is married and has children, this adds another level of feelings and complication to the mix. Not only do I have relationships and bonds with the church I serve, so do my husband and daughters. Discerning whether or not to accept a new call was a family affair, and it was not made easily. I’m deeply grateful for the grace, love, and excitement shared from the members of Salisbury, but share in their grief in the change in our relationship. My family and I will miss them so much.

I would be remiss if I did not talk about Providence Forge Presbyterian Church, their PNC (pastor nominating committee), and Rev. Dr. Cindy Kissel-Ito (their covenant pastor). They have been a beacon of so much love and excitement. I am excited that God has called us together and excited for all that is to come.

Where did you go, 2023?

I am not certain how this happened, but the year 2023 came roaring in and has passed me by. I have written 0.0 times on this dear blog of mine last year, which might be a sign that the year was filled with a bit too much. But seriously though, where did you go, 2023?

Well, what happened was…

In November of 2022, a couple of friends sat me down to ask an important question of me, “Would you consider running for school board?” I was not one to say “yes” quickly and had various people in my life that I needed to consult with prior to my even considering a “yes.” For starters I need to talk to my husband and my boss. I needed to know how this would impact my family and the church I serve, as I would need their support in this endeavor. Everyone was very supportive from the outset, and then more friends began coming forward with the same school board question. With a lot people who knew me personally and professionally (from my work in the schools and community) asking that I run, a supportive spouse, and boss, I agreed and said “yes” to running for school board.

What I didn’t know was…

How hard it is to run for school board (or any office for that matter). How much there is for you to know. How much there is for you to do. How much there is for you to fundraise. While I knew the work of serving on school board would be tough, I had a general idea and handle on what was before me. Running for office was a whole other ~~beast~~ idea. I was not someone running for school board because I had my eyes on future political ambitions. I was someone running for school board because I believe in the power of public education, knew the transformational power of being a listening presence in our schools, and had list of people wanting to me to be the woman to get the job done.

What I did not expect was…

That there would be five of us on the ballot for one school board seat. You heard that right. There were FIVE people on the ballot for the Fairfield District on the Henrico County School Board. Running for office in a highly sought after seat was unbelievable. I met and became friends with some incredible people along the way. I reconnected with people I had not seen in quite some time. I learned so much about the election and campaign process, and discovered this is not something that lends itself well to new people on the scene.

The outcome of the election was…

not what any of us wanted, but I remain committed to our schools. The results were:

Write-In votes with 0.80%
Keith W. Hicks with 9.56%
Crystal D. Varner Parker with 17.56%
Tommie L. Jefferson with 20.02%
Terrell A. Pollard with 25.87%
Ryan E. Young as the winner with 26.19%.

As you can see, the vote was all over the place with the winner taking a very slim lead.

What I did learn was…

That there are over 3,300 people in my district who believed in me as the right candidate. That people would like me to consider running for office again, whether it is for school board or something else. That there are teachers, school staff, and division leaders who believed in me as the right candidate, and that they were holding onto hope I would win*. The reality is that if those teachers, staff, and leaders don’t live in my district, it doesn’t hold as much weight when they cannot vote for me.

_{*Most people don’t know this, but employees in certain positions of leadership are not allow to declare or express support of school board candidates. This meant that those who were dear friends or supporters of my candidacy were not allowed to say a word about me, my campaign, or why they wanted me to win.}

More than anything, I learned…

I can run for office, because I did it.

I can do incredibly hard things, because I’ve done it.

That I am committed to supporting our students, teachers, and school staff and that I won’t stop fighting for them.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m cheering on our new school board and holding onto hope that they will do what is best for our students, teachers, and school staff.

cheers to you!

The year has just begun. It is full of possibilities and adventures and we are really looking forward to all that 2018 has in store. Not long ago we posted this little message:

To that effect, we would like to re-introduce ourselves as The 91 Rewind

Don’t worry! We are keeping all the content you enjoyed on HebrewDawn, but this time as a joint project between two friends who’ve known each other almost forever. We appreciate all of your support so far and we look forward to bringing your more stories, pick-me-ups, and good vibes.

Crystal and I became friends in 1991 when I moved to Smoketree South. We have been besties since then, and although we have both grown and changed, a lot is still the same. When someone knows you like you know yourself, it can help you stay grounded. When the road gets rough, connections like these can help you get back to your authentic self.

Crystal and I are very different but we are both honest to a fault. Our friendship has endured the test of time; probably because we have always kept it real with one another. We continue to help each other see the best in ourselves, accept what cannot be changed, and find the motivation to keep going on.

We started this blog as a way to share-with everyone-the little pep talks, comic relief, and good conversation we have been sharing with one another for years. If our friendship has taught us anything, it is that sometimes sharing your story with someone else helps to lighten the load.

The 91 Rewind is our version of a digital treehouse. It’s a place to get away for a moment, catch your breath, and find silver linings. If you need a refresh, a reset, or a “rewind and try again”, you’re welcome here. Come on over for a bit. Listen, share, but more than anything, just be yourself! We’re happy to see you 🙃

cheers!

C+E

new year newness

If you’re a longtime reader of HebrewDawn you know that things have evolved over the years. Initially this was a personal blog for Crystal sharing funny things that happened (*ahem* is this Keisha?), foot surgeries, and the birth of kids. Then this site evolved into what it is today. A place for people to come and find words to encourage on the journey to being our most authentic selves. During this site evolution, Erica came on board, and the dynamic duo of two best friends brought HebrewDawn to new heights.

As time has gone on, HebrewDawn has grown, and new prospects are on the horizon we, Crystal and Erica, we realized that we needed a new site needed and a new name. This site hasn’t been just Crystal’s for quite some time, but HebrewDawn is not reflective of both of us. We thought of waiting to share this news with you once all the details are ready (logo, site rebranding, etc.), but we wanted our faithful readers to know sooner than later. You’ll notice that some fonts have changed on our site already, today our Instagram handle is changing, a new logo is coming, and so much more.

We are excited to share with you about our process as we go, but we want to assure that the only real change you’ll notice is our name. The content type will remain the same, but we dare say the quality will continue to get better. We are super excited for 2018, continued growth with you, and seeing what’s in store for….

you survived…celebrate that!

Here we are…down to the 11th hour in the year 2017. Social media is rife with emotional diatribes and reflections of the past year. Some include a laundry list of accomplishments, others include a giant list of things to never do again. No matter what happened this year — good or bad — it seems we all want to talk about it. Soooo, let’s talk! How did it go for you? Was it the #bestever? Was it totally forgettable? Perhaps it was somewhere in between…

Full disclosure-having a winter birthday has made me into one of these wistful wintertime wonderers. Around the beginning of December each year, I start this little scorekeeping activity. Did I do everything I said I would? Did I do it well? Did I suck less at some things and excel at others? Did I completely change my life for the better? If I didn’t, do I still have enough time left to make my mark?

I gotta tell ya, as important as I feel it is to self-evaluate, I generally feel pretty awful about myself after this little exercise. Why? Because I’m always so disappointed. I’m really good at finding room for improvement, everywhere, all the time. This is a great habit for productivity and goal setting, but pretty miserable for self-esteem. Sometimes the accomplishment is survival. Sometimes, like my best friend Crystal says, done is enough. So that’s how I feel about this year. It’s almost done, y’all!

As long as I can remember, I have tried to “figure it out”; tried to equate what I have with what I feel I deserve. And guess what always happens? Since I am the common denominator in the events of my life, I have to blame myself for all the shortcomings. I resent my multitudinous bad habits. I am envious of what others have done that I believe to be better or more important than my own accomplishments.

This is all negative reinforcement and I find myself asking why I do this? What is the point in keeping score? Tallying arbitrary accolades that mean very little to anyone else and say very little about the person I am. At some point, will I accumulate enough positive life events to win something? Will 365 days of AWESOME bring me to some amazing place of clarity and self-actualization?

The logical part of my brain is laughing at the mere thought of this. If we know perfection does not exist, why do we still expect it from ourselves? The purpose of life is not to be perfect, but to live; to continue experiencing one moment to the next for as long as we have moments on earth. In order to do that, we must be present. We have to participate in all the moments fully. We have to find the best in every moment/day/year…even the really sh*tty ones.

Through my yoga teacher training, I have come to accept that we can only control our reactions and responses. From this latest year on earth, I have come to learn that life really isn’t fair. It is from this place that I offer my conclusions on the year 2017

Some sh*t happened.
Some of that sh*t was positive – YAY!
Some of that sh*t was negative…but it provided a chance to learn/regroup/restrategize-still a YAY!
So far, I’ve managed to survive every day..even the really sh*tty ones.

Whatever happened this year, be grateful for it and then let it go. It hasn’t taken the breath from your lungs, the love from your heart, or the thoughts from your head. Celebrate every d@*% thing that you went through this year because it made you tougher, stronger, better. Bad things help us know and trust ourselves more. They make us resilient. Good things help us stay motivated to continue doing more. They empower us. So really, all things are good things, if you want to see it that way.

We are ALL strong. We are ALL overcoming. We are ALL brave. Let’go into this new year with a goal to make it through the whole stinkin’ thing, NO MATTER WHAT!

I believe in you guys…

xoxo,

learning to be southern

I’ve lived my entire life in Richmond, Virginia and it’s only now, in my mid-thirties, I’ve fully accepted my southern roots. In all fairness, it’s been a lifelong process of learning to be southern.

You see, I come from a mixed background and that has caused some internal doubt of my southernness. I’m Japanese, Cherokee, Irish, and Norwegian…basically a one-woman mixing pot. My mom was an Army brat and lived all over the place, but has lived in Virginia longer than anywhere else. My dad is from Danville, Virginia which makes him the most southern of us all. Neither parent really taught me the hallmarks of southern charm or little figures of speech, it’s mostly been picked up over the years.

Through the help of patient friends and family, I’ve come to understand the importance of a pineapple in my home, when and why to bless someone’s heart, how I like my iced tea, and most importantly why y’all is the perfect southern word.

Y’all has long been a word to be avoided in my vocabulary, but finally in my mid-twenties I began to embrace it. But that was only because of my studies during seminary, particularly with Hebrew and Greek. I came to the realization of how perfect y’all is when communicating. If you have taken a foreign language you’ve experienced the distinction between you singular and you plural and its affects on conjugation and syntax. How else can you articulate the plural form of “you” without it being cumbersome?

Now in my thirties it’s in full-on use. Hate on the word if you want, but I think it’s perfect. If you walk into a room full of your girlfriends, wouldn’t “hey y’all” be better than “hey guys” since there are no guys in the room. If you walk into a room full of guys and girls, wouldn’t “hey y’all” be better than “hey guys” since guys are not more important that the ladies in the room too. AND wouldn’t it be better to be more inclusive in our language period?

So if you come in my home, you’ll most certainly be welcomed by the site of a pineapple or two; we hope you’ll stay awhile and enjoy a meal. I also hope I’ll have no cause to bless your heart. AND if we do have the good fortune to meet sometime, please don’t be surprised by the “hey y’all” coming from the chick without a southern drawl…it’s because she knows the perfect way to communicate with all y’all.

xoxo,

cleaning up our act

Over the weekend I had family over for dinner and some brussel sprouts roasting in the oven. Seems like no big deal, but I burnt them. I was seriously looking forward to eating them, and so was everyone else. Like any kitchen mishap, I had some cleanup to do; the half sheet pan they were roasting on needed a good scrubbing. In using the old elbow grease, I had a revelation about our own need for taking care of ourselves and how it’s never too late to start cleaning up our act.

I neglected to get a before shot of my half sheet pan, but let’s just say it had a good layer of burnt brussel sprouts on it, along with seasoning from previous forays in the kitchen. I had a moment of negative self-talk about how I’d let things get out of control; for how filthy my pan was and my neglect for scrubbing it all off earlier. But let’s be real, all the bacon, roasts (chicken, beef, ham), and delectable vegetables left their marks on the pan that a regular sponge or dishwasher couldn’t get off. It took me getting out the Brillo pad, scrubbing, and SCRUBBING to get that pan back to its shiny self.

As I scrubbed and scrubbed, it got me thinking about the ways in which we take care of ourselves. How at times, a messy pan can be intimidating. How when our work is so clearly cut out for us, it makes us feel nervous. The pressure of can we/can’t we sets in and it’s downright scary. Let’s face it, we all kinda want to eat a little cleaner, to live a little more active lifestyle, to donate a little more to organizations we believe in…but finding the time, the energy, the money can make us feel anxious.

When the scaries set in, the best defense is a small step forward. There are many little things we can do each day to take better care of ourselves. Instead of trying to wrangle them all at once, choose just one or two and see if you can stick to it. Park a little farther away from the office if you can. Challenge yourself to bring nutritious lunch to work for three days in a row. Set a “mental break” timer at work to give yourself a chance to refresh after a session of intense focus. When we break down our goals into smaller “bites” it can seem much more manageable. Plus we generate momentum by achieving these little milestones along the way.

Sometimes we don’t take the first step to take care of ourselves because we’re afraid of how hard it’s going to be. Sometimes we feel like that burnt brussel baking sheet; like we will never get back to our old self. But if we don’t try how will we ever make any progress? The first day is always going to be hard, but a month from now it will be easier and we will be stronger. Every day you show up, every day you try to reach your goals, you’re proving to yourself it can be done. This positive experience will snowball and it WILL become easier. Although you will have to experience it for yourself.

I want to end today by saying that we all have work to do in this self-improvement department. Deep down we all have things we want to do better, but it all starts with the first step. After all, little changes over time really make a difference.

Let’s do this!

xoxo,

the lies we tell ourselves

So I completed the inaugural Race Across Durham Trail Marathon, last weekend. My third marathon, but my first true trail race of this distance. It was a great day overall; the course was awesome, the volunteers were amazingly supportive, and the weather was perfect for spending the day on some technical ass trails. My awesome pals, Amy and Liz, and I just kept stepping and sharing encouraging thoughts with another. We made jokes about how slow we were moving. We celebrated when there were cookies and Pepsi at the aid stations. We pushed past a barrage of crazy feelings along that soul-crushing course all the way to the finish. The race was a lot more challenging than we expected, and we all had to keep the positive mental attitude strong to get through it.

The truth is this: for moments in the race, I was absolutely lying to myself. For only the second time in my amateur “I-like-to-run-for-long-periods-of-time” career, I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to complete the race. Parts of the course I could barely hike without tumbling ass over ankles, much less run. I didn’t know if we’d ever make it out of the woods. I was in way over my head, but acknowledging that uncertainty would only make matters worse. I had to make a choice to banish my doubt and pretend it was going to be perfect. I had to monitor my inner dialogue and speak only kind words of encouragement aloud to Amy and Liz. I crafted lie after lie so I could stay focused and be supportive of the process.

When we finally stumbled out of the woods six hours later, it was revealed that my friends and I experienced the same exact thing. Each of us had doubts and worries and concerns, but we all made a silent vow to keep it positive for every step of our 26.2 miles. It is truly amazing that three completely different people can-without talking about it-get on the same page. Trail running is not really a team sport, but on 12/3 in Durham, it absolutely was.

As a person who subscribes to an “honesty is always best” policy, I have to admit that the lies we told ourselves last Sunday were absolutely necessary. Honestly, I did not KNOW what would happen. I had to hope for the best and believe we would get through it. I’m reminded of Henry Ford’s famous words:

This has always resonated with me. I believe that the mindset you have going into a situation informs it’s outcome. Think about it for a moment. When we look forward to something with excitement, we are usually a little more forgiving. Maybe the caterer mixed up an appetizer order, but the party was still great! Maybe our best friend’s incoming flight was delayed, but there was no traffic on the way to the airport! When we are hopeful, we can overlook some of the imperfections and idealize reality.

Conversely, when we are full of dread and anxiety, when we are fearful or doubtful, there is a snowball effect. I know we have all had days were things start off bad and progressively get worse. Without fail, if you are already running late for anything, there will be some traffic situation to delay you even more. And then you will probably spill your coffee everywhere and leave your lunch at home on the kitchen counter. Is the universe out to get you? Probably not, but it feels that way.

Why does this happen?

It happens because negativity, even a kernel of it, can send us down a spiral of doom. It begins to color the lens through which we see everything. When we start expecting a hot shitty mess at every turn, our brain will do everything it can to make that a reality.

It takes great effort, and sometimes a little creativity to be positive, but it’s worth it. The little lies we tell ourselves, the little uncertainties we smooth over, they help us to stay focused on the task at hand. They keep us moving forward so we don’t get stuck in the spiral.

So remember, next time things start to get a little dark, try with all your might to look at the bright side…even if it has been created with artificial lighting 🙂

xoxo,

slow down…

Lately, I’ve stopped taking the highway on some of the routes near my house because I’ve come to a realization. The view is much nicer when taking the roads less traveled. This new desire to slow down didn’t happen overnight.

At least once a week for the last month I’ve noticed something new, discovered an interesting event when traveling near my house. Over the weekend a question suddenly hit me when debating taking I295 (an interstate going through part of central Virginia) or driving down Mountain Road (a road in Glen Allen where I live)…

Why are you in such a hurry? Why don’t you slow down?

Besides, taking the interstate rather than other routes isn’t always faster. Sometimes traffic is backed up and could have been avoided by staying off the highway. But most of all, if I did not to drive down the local roads I would zoom past what’s happening in my community.

If I’m always in such a hurry, I forgo the opportunity to see the improvements that make where I live better. I miss out on the events that matter to the community in which live, and the chance to be a part of them.

So now I ask you, why don’t you slow down? Why are you in such a hurry? What are you rushing past and missing in the world around you?

Our desire to hurry isn’t always in the car. It’s in our desire to be “connected” to our digital world. Our need to monitor the updates, our mindless scrolling. Sometimes we forget that when we are “online” we are out of touch with what’s happening now. our faces are looking down, we fail to see what’s happening around us.

Why are you in such a hurry? Why don’t you slow down?

Let’s take a deep breath, and enjoy where we are and instead of always focusing on where we’re going. Let’s relinquish the need to be in control of everything. Let’s commit to allowing space to savor the good around us. Let’s stop rushing through life and start slowing down.

xoxo,

when volumes speak #metoo

I have to take a moment to appreciate the gesture of those tiny words. As I’ve scrolled through my social media feed over the last week, I see countless women (and men) coming forth in brave solidarity. These people are my family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors; and for many, this is the first I’m hearing of these events. This movement is not about trending or gaining new followers. It’s not about one-upping or getting attention. It’s not even about righting the wrongs of the past. It is simply about awareness. This is a demonstration that encourages volumes to speak two little words…me too.

Some of you have courageously shared the details of your experiences, and I commend you for this because I couldn’t do it. To be honest, I still feel like the times it happened to me were my fault. I still feel like I let it happen; although, the throngs of you who are bravely acknowledging that you too have had this experience is slowly chipping away at that feeling. Seeing all the #metoo posts are slowly helping to alleviate the shame.

Brene Brown a renowned author and research professor suggests that empathy is the only way to eradicate shame. In one of her videos she explains empathy with a powerful example. An example that epitomizes #metoo and why it is, in fact, a gesture of empathy.

I thought for a great while about not “fessing up” and posting the #metoo status, but I chose to speak. Besides, what has silence brought me but shame and torment? In truth, the way I’ve handled my shame is by isolating myself. I stopped living my life because I was afraid of repeating “mistakes”.I considered the situation to be something that was my fault so in attempt to gain control, I removed myself from the situation. I stopped drinking with my friends, I stopped dating, I thought twice about what I wore and how it made me look, I chose my words more carefully. I built a wall around myself. I thought it was to keep bad things out, but it has only served to keep the shame close. You see, we can try everything in our power to “remove ourselves from the situation”, but it will only do so much. When we stop living our lives, we are giving in to the shame. At the end of the day, the only thing that can ease our shame is the awareness that we are NOT actually alone.

The truth is this; if any person has tried to engage you in any sexual activity (conversations, touching, name calling, photos, etc) to which you did not provide consent, that is WRONG. It doesn’t matter if that person is your boyfriend or your boss or your coach or whatever. Taking advantage of someone by force or leveraging shame IS WRONG. The assumption that a woman is promiscuous due to her dress or behavior or that she gives consent by default of these attributes is WRONG. Consent is quite simple. It is a clear YES. Any response other than an emphatic YES is a f*cking NO.

Excuse my language, but this is a very serious thing we are dealing with. Last Monday tons of people came forward to say “me too”. To crawl down into the pit with those who are hurting and say we are here and we understand. This gesture has helped me to feel a little less shame, and a little more brave in standing up for what is right. I hope it does something similar for you, too.

In love and kindness…